When I wrote a post about what I did NOT want to hear, Dana S. over at Whisks and Words asked me what I did want to hear, and I have been thinking about that ever since.
So, I made a list, and here it is:
- “The little taqueria at the end of your block now sells COSTCO frozen yogurt.”
Fro Yo (Photo credit: Dreamstime royalty-free stock photos)
- “There is a new, safe, organic chemical that makes children sleep until 8:00 AM . . . and it’s the first ingredient in COSTCO frozen yogurt.”
- “Ruth Bader Ginsburg called and she wants you to write her biography.”
- “Steven Spielberg called and he wants you to star in the biopic about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, which is being filmed on location in Fiji; and Mr. Ginsburg is played by Ryan Gosling.”
- “Hey, Christie, I know I broke your heart in high school, and I never admitted that you were right that those marks on my neck were hickeys, but they were. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I peaked in high school.”
- “It was all a hoax! Michael Jackson is still alive and is coming to your 39th birthday party to teach you some dance moves.”
- “I just read in the Journal of the American Medical Association that chocolate, in all forms, is the healthiest food you could ever ingest.”
- “Skinny jeans are OUT.”
- “Kris Kardashian is auctioning her gigantic, obscene diamond ring and donating every single penny to Girls on the Run. And she’s forbidden her family members to appear before a camera for the next 20 years.”
- “Excuse me? Are you Penelope Cruz? You look just like her!”
- “Mommy, I love to wipe my butt really well.”
- “Mommy, why don’t you put me to bed . . . I think we both need some rest and space.”
- “Honey, you are right. Your way of doing the dishes is so much better than my way. Why don’t you let me do the dishes for the rest of the year so I can work on my technique?”
- “I am giving you free therapy for the rest of this year and all of next year. Thanks for being such a loyal
and f*cked uppatient.”
BONUS SOUNDS: My children’s rapturous laughter, Nanci Griffith singing, James Earl Jones’ talking, and that rare sound I have heard so much about, but never experienced: silence.
Yay! So glad I could play a very tiny part in making this excellent post happen! A wonderful list!
Wouldn’t have happened without you!
I would’ve settled for, “Mommy, I won’t insist on you looking at my poop before you wipe me.” Yours is better.
Or “Mommy, I’m so sorry I had to figure out pooping by watching you poop with my head crammed between the toilet seat and your behind.”
Oh no. Did that really happen? I want to laugh but it seems wrong somehow.
Yes. It did. The only good thing to come of it is she essentially potty-trained herself. Thank God she was a quick study!
It is funny now, not so much at the time.
I like yours too. And Sadie always wants to look at Simon’s poop.
I went outside a little while ago, and it was absolutely silent here. Either it’s the heat, or everyone got raptured up while I was watching ‘Rio’ with my kids.
Is everyone at that stripper movie? Quiet here too. Makes my brain buzz.
I like the one about sleep. I WISH!!
Me too. A girl can dream.
Holy crap – I have your RBG dreams about Sandra Day O’Connor! Wouldn’t it be great if we were both in the movie together?
Oh god, my high school boyfriend did a number on me too. I’m not letting my daughter date until college now.
Love this list. The only one I can’t get behind is the skinny jean. They have come a LONG way in the past year or so. I had a hard time getting past the name (it’s like fashion repellant). They are a must when wearing boots or ballet flats. You just need to find the right pair.
Agree on the ballet flat but Tory and I had a falling out when my butt broke and I am just bitter all over.
You are a great sdo. Biopics here we come!