If you can stand it, here’s one more post about the upcoming blogger conference (BlogHer) that is taking place in NYC next weekend. I am a little anxious about the whole thing, because it’s insanely overwhelming. To deal with my anxiety, I have gotten busy. For example, I have packed, even though I am not leaving for 8 more days. When I am anxious, I tend to get industrious (and hostile– just ask my children or that guy who sneaked 23 items into the express lane at Target).
I am skittish for the same reasons that other bloggers have mentioned in their posts. Namely, there will be 4,500 other bloggers (mostly women) running around this conference, and some of them I desperately want to meet because they have inspired me and become friends. Some of them, I would prefer to admire from afar because they intimidate me to the point of pit stains, and others I hope to meet from behind a security detail, because, frankly, they scare me.
Also, no one is going to recognize me because my avatar (on-line image) is from when I was 33 months old. I’ve put a lot of mileage on my face since. And I have grown about 4.5 feet. Here’s what I look like now, in case you want to find me next weekend:
Moreover, there is a big dance party called “Sparklecorn” for which I have purchased a tiara and some extra Ben-Gay for my sure-to-be-aching muscles after I show those ladies how a 39-year-old spark plug like myself does “the worm.” (Also, there are also rumors of private parties, to which my exclusive invite seems to have gotten lost in the channels of the World Wide Web.)
There are mythical tales of amazing swag at this conference. Every seasoned BlogHer attendee has implored us newbies to bring an extra suitcase for the free stuff. Having run my fair share of 5K races, I am no stranger to the goodie bag, but I have never gotten one that has anything valuable in it. Sure, it’s fun to have an extra 2 oz Clif Bar or some cool bumper stickers, but really? An extra suitcase? Surely these ladies are exaggerating.
Nevertheless, I admit that I have packed an extra duffel bag, just in case the freebies include Philosophy bath gel, Kate Spade spectator shoes, or Twizzlers.
But, then I got this email from Ms. Monica Levy, who seems to have an intimate relationship with Trojan condoms. (Grandma, close your eyes.) And she seems awfully excited about giving away “the biggest vibrator ever.”
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Levy, Monica <Monica.REDACT@REDACT.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Subject: BOOTH MERCURY I: Trojan is Bringing the Buzz to BlogHer 2012
To: “Christie.email@example.com” <Christie.firstname.lastname@example.org>
Saw that you’ll be attending this year’s BlogHer, and we’re excited to share that we’ll be attending for the first time and hope to have the opportunity to connect with you at our booth. We’re facilitating the biggest vibrator giveaway ever, and we hope you’ll stop by to chat with us and claim your free vibe…and perhaps a couple for your readers!
We’ll have some great stats on hand from our Trojan Charged Sex Life Survey that speak to sex/pleasure behaviors and beliefs in America, as well as some fun trivia and conversation starters for you and your readers.
Please let me know if you have any questions. I look forward to seeing you there!
250 Hudson St. | New York, NY 10013 | T: 212.642.7720
Upon receiving this email. I immediately forwarded it to Jeff, who responded with, “What the hell kind of conference is this?”
I think that was a justified response.
But, now I don’t know about the duffel bag I packed. Is it going to be big enough? Because if they are giving free stuff, who am I not to take it?