How’s your relationship with your mother? Are you guys the “talk everyday” types? Is she one of your BFFs? Or do you live thousands of miles apart and only talk on special occasions? Are you working through enmeshment or estrangement?
Do you think she would be willing to carry your baby? — and I am not talking about swaddling her and carrying her across the room. I am talking about allowing doctors to place your ovary, sperminated by your baby daddy, into her uterus (where you once dwelt) so you could have a baby?
Does the thought of your 60-ish year old mother carrying your child sound like pure fiction?
Well, it’s not. It’s the subject of a can’t-put-down memoir about to hit the shelves. Bringing In Finn by Sara Connell is the chronicle of Connell’s attempts– and gut-wrenching failures– to carry a child to term. When her medical advisors suggested surrogacy, Connell struggled to remain open to all possibilities. When her mother suggested that she carry Sara’s child, soul-searching ensued.
I would be more than happy to tell you more about it, but really, Connell’s story is best told by Connell. (If you are more of an auditory person, you can pick up the audio book.)
Here’s why I love this book: While the narrative offers and delivers a gripping story about an unorthadox reproductive journey, it is also a metaphor for what can happen if you allow unexpected people in your life (perhaps your mother, as in Connell’s case) to bring you great gifts.
I knew I would give this book to all the people I know who are struggling with fertility. My mind naturally drifted to those who have suffered losses on the route to parenthood. And I firmly believe that they will find in Connell’s story inspiration, comfort, and hope.
But, I am passing Bringing in Finn along to anyone who expresses any kind of longing, not just for children, but also for family, or partnership, or healing, or purpose. Those are the friends I most want to read this book full of heroes: Connell’s mother, the newly retired 60-year-old, who prepared her body for a post-menopausal pregnancy. Connell’s husband who embraced the miraculous possibilities and made delicious meals for the women in this story. Connell herself who generously and gorgeously chronicles her family’s story, taking readers from the heartbreak of a second-trimester miscarriage to the triumphant birth of her son Finn. And finally, Finn, the baby whose birth is the result of both astounding medical advances and the awe-inspiring tenacity of his entire family.
Rave reviews for Bringing In Finn (Outlaw Mama was privileged to review the book)
And, just for fun, I sent my mom a copy of this book without any explanation. I plan to call her tonight and say, “Well? What do you think? Wanna carry my baby?” If you don’t see a post from me in the next few days, it’s because my mother’s withering stare (part annoyance and part horror), even through the phone lines, stopped my heart in mid-tick.
But, man, it will be so worth it.
Wow. I can’t believe it’s not fiction. @_@
Ha! It sounds like a tabloid, but it’s so achingly beautiful.
I downloaded the sample last week & per-ordered the book. The sample definitely left me dying to read the rest. I can’t imagine allowing myself to be open to such possibilities.
Me neither. Incredible.
I’m downloading the sample as we speak. The first thing my mother said when I announced my first pregnancy after nearly two years of “unexplained infertility” was that if we had gotten to the 2 year mark she had planned on carrying our child. Unasked, unprovoked, very matter-of-fact-ly she informed me of her plan for my child. That’s the kind of relationship we have. I love your mom’s anticipated response to the book – hilarious.
Wow. I wonder if I’d be game for Sadie or Simon.
A perfect review and testimonial to this beautiful story and amazing book. I love the message of being open to receiving love and gifts from unexpected places. I’m open, I’m open
! I tell myself I’d be willing to do the same for Ava or Rhys. Of course, by that time I’ll be 99 years old and senile and won’t have reservations about anything!! Can’t wait to hear what your mom says!
I was thinking I would be old and senile by the time my kids procreate– I better be.
Wow. This really does sound like a must read!
I think you would love it.
What a privilege for Finn’s gram. I’d do that in a heart beat for my daughters. Except there’s a problem. I don’t have a uterus.
It’s funny, sometimes I think about the story and identify with Sara. Then, I sometimes identify with her mother. I think I would do that for Sadie or Simon. I would be scared about having another C-section, but I would do it. It would be a wonderful way to ring in retirement. I guess I better get a job first.
Wow! That sounds like an awesome read. Will definitely be checking it out. My own mom was surrogate (for someone not related to us) and she said it was one the greatest experiences of her life.
You’re kidding! How did you feel about it? Were you worried about her? Have you written about it? I’d love to read it.
Wow, so amazing. I’ve read about this type of situation in the papers and such but a well-written memoir would be so interesting. I think it’s a fine option if everyone’s comfortable with it–why not?
I totally agree. I love that there are wonderful options out there.
Thanks for the review! I had my son via gestational surrogacy. My mom mentioned that she wished she could have offered (she has fibroids), but I don’t know if I would have taken her up on it if she had been able to do so!
Sure seems complicated!
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