Time: 3 AM
Place: My head
Date: This morning
Re: My wonderfully adjusted psyche, the mental chatter edition
I can’t sleep.
Everything is fine.
Just close your eyes and sleep.
I can’t stop thinking about Pier 1.
Why are you thinking about Pier 1?
There’s that Pier 1 right across from Sadie’s school.
It makes me nervous.
Pier 1…it has all that bamboo and rattan furniture; it intimidates me.
That’s insane. Go to sleep.
I know, but there’s also all those pillows and candles.
It doesn’t matter what’s in Pier 1 if you don’t go in.
Oh! I am not going in.
It’s just that there are those huge, looming fake branch-y foliage-y things that are right by the window.
Park somewhere else when you pick up Sadie.
Of course. I will park on the other side of her school. Good idea.
Super. Glad we had a chance to chat. Let’s talk again tomorrow.
What do you think it means?
My new-found phobia of Pier 1.
I’m not sure, maybe you were always afraid and now you have to confront it.
Pier 1…they should call it Fear 1.
Maybe it has something to do with the changes in your life.
The fact that Sadie is now in school, which is a pretty big milestone.
It’s only 2.75 hours a day; it’s not that big of a milestone.
Right. That’s why every single Facebook picture is of children going back to school.
Hmmmm. It’s just preschool.
Putting the word “just” before it doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal.
You may have a point.
Guess what. I have another point: it’s late and we need sleep.
Every time I close my eyes I see those papasan chairs from the Pier 1 sidewalk sale.
Sleep with your eyes open.
Pier 1 can’t hurt you; I just set the alarm.
Can we turn on a night light?
You don’t want me to do that.
Tell me! Why?
Mom got us that frog nightlight.
She bought it at Pier 1.
I will never sleep again.
Apparently me neither.
How about a snack? Those don’t remind me of Pier 1.
No, you can only get snacks at Cost Plus World Market.
Sometimes I get those two stores confused.
Just remember: no snacks at Pier 1.
No wonder I have nightmares about it. A world without snacks makes me shudder to the core.
This conversation is making me shudder to the core. Please. Sleep.
Fine. I’ll try.
That’s all I ask.
* * *
So, yes, the adjustment to preschool is going swimmingly well over here.