Attention Target Shoppers

Hey all you lovers of the red bullseye,

It’s possible that those of you who frequent Target in the Chicagoland area may get an extra treat when you yank your cart free from the long cart chute at the entrance. I’m not talking about an errant Circo tag from a toddler layette set or a bite of jumbo soft pretzel. I’m talking about a free pair of glittery Hello! Kitty Mary Janes that have seen better days.

If you find them, they are yours to keep.

We left them there like little crumbs on the victory trail of Outlaw Mama’s quest to enforce consequences, something I have never done until twilight on Tuesday in the Target parking lot.

I figured when Sadie started school I was going to have to get serious about certain bedrock parenting principles. Setting a good example is way too much work (and it means I can’t say “fuck” anymore), so I turned to discipline. Having never been strong at discipline, I decided that, from now on, all my threats are real– no more hollow warnings about screen time or staying out too late with her boyfriend smoking unfiltered Camels behind the Post Office.

What mama says, mama means.

So when Sadie took off her shoes at Target and refused to pick them up, I explained that if she didn’t, the consequence would be the loss of her shoes.

She didn’t budge.

Neither did I.

I gave her one last chance to save her shoes, and she flatly refused. So we left without them.

That’s how it happened that we started calling them Goodbye! Kitty shoes.

Because they are gone.

(Warning: only make this threat when you already hate the shoes and secretly hope she will defy you so they will become Target’s problem.)

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18 thoughts on “Attention Target Shoppers

  1. I’m too much of a cheapskate for that. After all, she will need shoes and you will have to supply them. Unless she has other, less glittery, shoes and will suffer the consequence of plainness.

  2. Fuck, I wish I could stand my ground with my kiddos as well as you do. Maybe if I find those shoes, they will give me the strength to do do. In the meantime, I’ll just continue to be a potty mouth. That has worked for me thus far.

  3. Here’s something to chew on…I don’t teach my kids about consequences. Why? You ask. Three reasons. One, I’m lazy. Two, I didn’t comprehend consequences until I was 29 and I turned out alright. Three, the only thing I’ve seen about consequences is a subsequent fear of doing or trying. I’d rather them jump and never know there’s no net.

    Ok, the real reason is I’m insanely non-confrontational. So I say fuck it.

    On a side note, I do set boundaries, which I think is a separate discussion.

  4. Brave mama!! Wow! You’re a ninja in the consequence department. Love it! I’m wishy-washy about threats and consequences – I will conjure your strength every time we go to Target from now on. I bet you’ll start a trend!

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