My Husband Doesn’t Know I Am Posting Our Texts: The Willie Nelson Edition

This is a post for all my male readers.

Here’s the deal, Gents: When you take your sweet time answering the texts or phone calls or emails wherein we ask you a question, we will start to make up fascinating little storylines in our heads.  Your silence is a blank slate on which we will fingerpaint with our neurosis.

You  might have thought that dynamic ended with dating, and if you married an emotionally stable woman, you might be right.  But for guys like Jeff who married women like me, there is serious danger in letting inquiries go unanswered.

EXHIBIT A: (My texts appear in green and blue. FN 1)

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

I discovered that the legendary Willie Nelson was playing a concert in Chicago and decided I wanted to go.  Really badly.  Jeff was out of town at the time, so I sent him a text at 2:15 PM to open a conversation about getting tickets.  Initially, I wanted him to know I would never think of forcing him to attend.  (Is there anything worse than going to a concert with someone who doesn’t want to be there?)

My opening salvo was of the breezy “don’t worry, you are off the hook for this, but put it on your calendar because I am going out that night; oh, and also, the tickets are on the pricey side so don’t flip out” variety.

But.

When I didn’t immediately hear from Jeff, who has the gall to be busy doing his job when I was texting about MY social calendar, I had a chance to think.

That usually gets us all in trouble.

Wait. I have never seen Willie Nelson in concert.  Willie’s kind of a big deal for my Texas and familial history, and he provided the early soundtrack of my life.  Maybe it’s wrong to let Jeff off the hook.  Maybe it’s important to experience this with Jeff.  OH MY GOD, I am blocking intimacy with Jeff by excluding him from this.  I am a terrible wife. I am going to fix this.

So, that’s how I ended up sending the second text 19 minutes later.  That’s the text that hints I was doing some deep thinking about history and intimacy.

No wonder Jeff wanted to give this whole thing some breathing room. (Also, he was busy at his job.)

Then, hours went by.  Kids were fed and bathed.  Books were read.  Compulsive text-checking ensued.  No word from Jeff for almost 5 hours.  Naturally, I assumed he was either dead or furious that I would invite him to a country music concert.

Naturally.

I suppose if Jeff wants to avoid an invitation, he should simply wait me out, because I will probably do this routine every single time. (Points for consistency?)  On the other hand, if I ever invite him to something he would like to attend, he better answer my texts in less than 5.5 hours.

FN 1: Why do some of my texts appear in blue and some in green?  AT&T, are you reading? What’s up with that?  I would prefer one or the other for aesthetic purposes.  I have a blog to run, you know.

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22 thoughts on “My Husband Doesn’t Know I Am Posting Our Texts: The Willie Nelson Edition

  1. Freaking hysterical! I’m fairly certain Ian and I have had this exact conversation though not over Willie Nelson. I’m always letting everyone “off the hook” without giving them important information, like this means a lot to me. Then there is the resulting resentment so actually it is better this way. Are you going to Willie or what? We need to know.

  2. I think my husband would kill me if I posted our texts! Also, nothing makes me more crazy than when he doesn’t answer me because if I don’t answer him, I have police and fire personnel at my door. This story was so funny!

    On my phone blue is ichat and green is text. ichat is free, texts go against your text plan.

    Bruce Springsteen is my Willie Nelson. This same sort of thing will happen to me if I hear about him coming around again any time soon.

  3. Don’t forget we also worry they might be in a ditch. I’m not sure why it’s always a ditch. It could be a sharp embankment, a railroad crossing, maybe a pedestrian crosswalk, but somehow we always imagine them in a ditch. Or is that just me?

    Great post!

    • The worry destination depends on your geographic location. I’m in B.C. so I think of mine falling off the side of a mountain. When we lived in Manitoba, I pictured him stuck in a snowdrift (in winter, anyway). Lately I picture him in the hospital, since he’s taken a couple of trips to Emergency without telling me (and yes, there is definitely either a blog or a country song in that one – I’ve got more of the lyrics written than I do the blog).

      • So true. My husband travels so I worry when he’s gone that he’s in a ditch in DC or he fell in government elevator shaft. Here I only worry about the kids.

  4. You are hilarious! I have to admit this kind of thing does take me back to when I was dating. Not that I’m not still neurotic about other things, just apathy beats out neurosis now. Anyway… I’m going to stat the obvious and suggest next time you call the man. ; ) I loved this so much I read it twice!

  5. Would you believe that my husband and I don’t text? He has the cell equivalent of a rotary phone that he uses only “for emergencies.” (Don’t get me started on the time he failed to answer when I was seven months pregnant and started bleeding all over the bathroom floor. Good times.)

    By the way, I did find your latest comment in the spam folder, nestled right in there among the offers for a Louis Vuitton handbag and a trial supply of Viagra. (I’d prefer your comments, naturally.)

    • And??? You loved it? My dad sang me those songs all my life. I didn’t know they were Willie songs but it all became clear once I got the Essential Willie Nelson. I know his voice is an acquired taste but I acquired it.

      • There is some debate on whether this happened at the Willie Nelson concert or a Beach Boys concert around the same time, but I spoke my first sentence. I was sitting in the seat next to my mother, even though they hadn’t bought a separate ticket for me. My mom said “If someone comes and they want to sit there, you will have to sit on Mommy’s lap.” I turned to hear and said “Anybody want this seat, tough.” So, it is part of family lore. I always loved the Electric Horseman soundtrack. I can’t hear “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys” without feeling overwhelming nostalgia.

      • I think that before I die, I will do a mash up of “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys,” and “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.” Maybe I will give that Glee creator a call and suggest it. Could be very hot. and, how cute are you with your “tough girl” comment? I believe it. Now it’s national lore.

    • OMG, I am so jealous. I am not even sure if like him, but it’s more about nostalgia and I want to see him before he keels over from freaking drug addiction or whatever. Farm Aid. Haven’t thought of that in a while.

  6. I say just buy the tickets and then decide who to go with! I’m a nerd so I’ll answer elaborate on Michelle’s answer to your question. The blue messages means the text was sent via iMessage/chat (can only be done with others that have newer iPhones. With that, you can track if it’s been delivered or read (so you can tell if your husband is ignoring you or if he hasn’t read it yet). It defaults to green (regular sms text) if the signal is not strong enough or the other person does not have a compatible iPhone.

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