I am not going to cry when the show that should have been my show airs on Thursday. I am a grown-ass woman, and I understand the vagaries of show biz. I will be neither bitter nor small-hearted. I am not holding a grudge.
But I will be a little melancholy when 3PM Thursday rolls around and it’s not me sitting on the couch next to Katie Couric.
My hopes had soared high. One of her producers called and interviewed me after reading one of my blog posts about how I buy things and hide them from Jeff. She asked me probing questions about my spending habits. I started out reserved, but ended up telling her most of my shameful money secrets.
I was “perfect” for the show that Couric’s producers wanted to do on “secret spending.”
The producer gave me a date that I would be flown to New York for the taping. Experts were going to offer me financial advice on the air. I pictured myself leaving New York with an invitation to join the Courics in the Hamptons for Thanksgiving.
I had never believed I was a fame whore, but I found myself fantasizing about the green room and the other stars I might bump into there. Imagine the snacks she must serve her guests! I bet they have chocolate muffins and pens emblazoned with Katie’s name on them! I was gonna get me some of those.
I wondered if there would be opportunities to plug my blog on the show.
“Oh, yes, Katie, I recklessly spend at Nordstrom Rack, which distracts me from my blogging at www.outlawmama.com!”
I gave in to wild fantasies about how fabulous it would be to be a guest on a daytime TV show talking about my dysfunctional relationship to spending at discount stores. I told people about this unexpected opportunity. My friends set their DVRs to record my network debut. I promised my mother I would wear something flattering on television. I drafted an email to Nordstrom Rack asking if they wanted to wardrobe me for my appearance. I watched Couric’s show every night so I would understand her mission and her vibe.
Yes, I was disappointed when the producer I had grown so attached to emailed me to say they were looking for someone with more dramatic spending problems. For a moment, I considered grabbing the credit cards and plunging my family into real debt by buying a quarter horse or a leer jet. You want dramatic, I will go Honey Boo Boo on you! I can be good TV!
I let everyone know that I remain an ardent supporter of Ms. Couric’s work and implored them to keep watching her show, just don’t expect to see me there any time soon.
To myself, I resolved that any future TV exposure will be for something more admirable than my habit of stashing impulse purchases behind my wedding dress.
So, I will be ok tomorrow. I won’t cry, but I may swing by Nordstrom Rack for a consolation prize before the week is out.