If you read my post from yesterday, you know I have a slight case of baby fever. On top of all that, my younger sister had a baby yesterday, so it’s officially a full-blown syndrome now. I decided that I should write out all the reasons to have a baby at my oh-so-tender-age of 39.
This isn’t me, of course. I have never worn a white tank top. (image credit: http://blogs.babble.com)
So here goes:
- I have baby names that shouldn’t go to waste (Skyler, Satchel, Sand, Smile. Don’t judge, that’s rude).
- Three is the new two.
- What’s the point of a mini-van if you don’t have at least 3 kids?
- We could get a discount on those
stupiddarling stickers people put on their minivans that show stick-figure representations of the family members. - More children = more people to take care of me when I am old and infirm.
- Maybe my third child will have decent taste in music.
- These breasts are already sagging, why not put ‘em to use one more time.
- If my sister has three children, then I must have three children, because LIFE IS A COMPETITION, AND I MUST WIN.
- I was hoping I would never have to shoulder the burden of a full-night’s sleep again. (So much pressure to be productive on lots of sleep. Who needs that?)
- Because being poor sounds like fun.
- I want to eat standing up for an additional 4 years.
- Sometimes I get bored, and I bet a new baby would cure that (even if it was simply because the fatigue haze would distract me from the boredom).
- If I had a new baby, I wouldn’t have to pretend I am doing the laundry any time soon, because “Hey! I have a newborn. The laundry can suck it.”
- I could put off those pesky “What should I do with my life?” reveries.
- Once and for all I could buy that BOB stroller I have been too cheap to buy the first two times I procreated.
- I finally know the words to some lullabies and children’s songs, so I could sing my baby to sleep.
- Everyone says that the third baby is the one who comes out knowing how to sleep through the night from Day 1.
- My housekeeping standards have finally sunk so low that all that new baby poop and spit up wouldn’t phase me.
* * *
I am kidding. Mostly. We all know the only reason to bring a new baby into the world is for shopping opportunities love. I actually think this latest round of itching for a baby is about letting go of and coming to terms with the reality that my baby-making days are over. Naturally, the letting go process is full of emotion, which I cleverly cover up with jokes and sarcasm. (Outlaw Mama = model of mental health.)
But also, it feels good to want what I have, love what is mine and to be in gratitude about my family’s completeness one moment at a time.
Babies…those little ones are so precious, aren’t they? But it’s litke I always say about cute, little kittens: they grow up into big, fat cats, ha! Love your list. Made me laugh this morning!
Good comparison. I once had two kittens, and then I realized they had claws and needed a litter box and I gave them to be a better home. I was not equipped!
My fave -”three is the new two.” can’t even begin to tell you how many people have looked at me sideways when i say that we aren’t going for baby #3. But then they really start crumbling at the knees when they find out we have two boys and no, we aren’t going for a girl, thank you very much. Some i’m sure want to put me in the therapy. Problem is I’m already there.
Gosh durn,
you make me laugh. Oh and we have a big black Tahoe with only two kids. So explain to me that.
YOu have to have a big car in Texas! Also, isn’t that totally insulting that people assume you have to have a girl? So weird. People act disappointed about babies’ genders and I find that mildly offensive even when they aren’t talking to me. But I love feeling offended so there’s that.
Hell, my own mother even balked at the news that we were having another boy. Of course she got over it, but it definitely didn’t help me any at the time!
Once you have 3, you go from man-on-man to zone defense…..it’s a hard switch for sure!
But it looks so cute when your little shorties are all smiling up at you and it looks really fun. And since I no nothing about zone defense, I better stay away!
More power to those with more than two kids; a big NO THANKS for me. Kinder home work every night for one sealed the deal. I still have two years before I have to manage two HWs. That and the fact that we love to travel and flights for four already costs and arm and a leg. I also like having a 1:1 parent-child ratio at public outings. And for me personally, I’ve never been good at multi-tasking (half-assing things drives me nuts and that’s what I’d do if I had three). I can be room mom for two, but three? Forgettaboutit! And lastly, I can just taste freedom right around the corner with R starting kinder in two years. Really excited about some possible non-profit, law opportunities . . .
But I love me some itty bitty babies. Which is why — this Sunday — I’m volunteering in the infant room at church. Snuggly goodness without the sleep deprivation!
BUT (and a big but) – I have no inkling to have more; if you do, GIRL then you’re probably not done. I simply have no room to give. Those baby voids . . . might be God-given, you know? Don’t rule it out for yourself . . .
YOu make good points. I was thinking that I could do volunteer work to get my snuggles on. Or go see my new nephew who’s cute as can be. The cost is a very real thing and freedom….I know not that word. But you are right about the God given impulses on these things. Looks like I’ll have to just see what’s in store for my womb…more residents or not.
God speed, Good woman!
There are really two reasons to have a baby. One is the shopping opportunities you mentioned. The other is to have an excuse to run see all the cartoon Disney movies the second they come out. That’s the real reason I had another baby after a twenty year hiatus.
There are no better reasons! Little Mermaid, here we come!
One of my good friends just had her fourth this year – she makes me feel like such a slacker. I too have been feeling mildly feverish over baby babies. The catch? I promised myself I would never have 3 so there would never be a middle child. I decided very young it would be 2 or 4. Makes it a little harder to get over that hump. Or maybe I’d end up having twins (you know the rate for that over 35 like quadruples?). You could handle 3 because you know how to counter middle child syndrome. Also, I’m not lying – I’ve considered it so I have more blog fodder. Sick.
ARe we twins? Because all of what you said is me. Precisely because I was a middle child, I an’t have just three. Even though my life turned out great, I still like to blame malaise on birth order. SO no middle children. This next “baby” I have must be twins or trips or more because of that middle child thing.
And I am not ready to admit all the things I have considered for blog fodder. Having a baby is on the mild side of considerations. Not proud.
We should be twins if we aren’t already. I am dying laughing thinking about all the outlandish things that have run through your mind that would make good blog content. And I can see you seriously weighing whether it was worth it (come on, for a hysterical post? would it be so bad?). Or maybe that was me. I’m getting so confused since we are definitely twins.
We should guest post for each other or start a meme about what you’ve considered. Omg. The horror.
Let it go! You couldn’t pay me enough to have a third. And as poor as I am, I think I really mean that.
I know. They are freaking expensive.
I had a baby at 40! But he was my second. Still, I might have ended up with 3 if that little thing called cancer hadn’t gotten in the way. I think it’s normal to have a last burst of baby fever (or a baby) once time starts to run out…
I still think of your cancer post every single day!
Me too.
I’ve got “It” too.. and bad. Because I LOVE spending money on diapers….
And then cleaning the stuff in ‘em!
Here’s another reason NOT to have one. There is an absorbent polymer shortage (some factory that produces them went down) and because of that diaper prices are going to like triple.
Going native.
have it if you want it – that’s the only reason you need.
So simple. Love it!
I’ve got baby fever too!! I would REALLY love to have 7 more grandsons.
Ha! I hope you pull that off!
I wish I couldn’t relate to these feelings. I’m still pregnant, damn it…how can I POSSIBLY want ANOTHER one?
But I secretly do.
That being said, many of your points make a valid argument for stopping now.
Seems to me this decision is not from the head or logic. It’s from somewhere else.
Somewhere DEEP IN OUR PANTS.
Beautiful post. Love you humor and sarcasm. And I treasure your honesty and vulnerability. Xoxo
Oh my sweet!!! Oxoxox
We wanted a thrid but waited until #1 was old enough to help care for #3. It works well – big sister is more parental figure and middle one is just pure competition. Very amusing and I have certainly improved the odds that one of them will like me and care for me in my old age.
Besides this enabled me to up the placesetting to 30 so that it is an even split!
Hilarious! I didn’t realize there was so much science to this. You’re a genius!
You know I’ve actually thought about this. Waiting until 1&2 are ages 7&5 and then having two more 18 months apart. Then I feel like I get two little families. What is wrong with me? I am sick. And too old to do that.
You can’t do it if you’ll end up in the hospital. That would scare me. And it’s all about me.
Just don’t wait until #1 is twenty years old like I did. Partying is much more fun than babysitting, even if I threaten to cut her out of the will.
I have a younger brother who is nearly 15 years my junior. My mom caught me at the perfect time for a constant babysitter.
Am loving your idea of having more people to take care of you when you’re old. When does that kick in exactly? I’d like my laundry to “suck it” also. Great post!
I’m training Sadie this weekend.
I loved this because we are at that point where we’re 99.9% we’re going to be a “one and done” home but I’m 36 (and a half!) so there’s still the possibility that it could happen and being around one makes me sort of squishy inside. And then my almost 6 year old wakes me up for the 5th time of the night (every single night) and I go back to my stance that unless there is 110% proof that my next one will eat and sleep like a reasonable human I’m out.
I relate to this!
If your sister has three kids, then you need to have four in order to win the competition! Okay, just kiddin’ – I just thought this was a funny remark
I’ve definitely thought if that. And in older so I gotta seal this before I’m too old to compete. I better have a singlet and then twins.
Funny post!
My sister and I had our babies exactly one week apart. That’s incredible when you consider we are 14 years apart as siblings. She is now pregnant with her second and I’m 42. I just keep remembering what I said to my Mom when she called me shortly after my baby’s birth. The first words out of my mouth were ‘I am NEVER doing THAT again.’ Words to live by.
Hilarious! My husband taped me saying the same thing. I need him to replay that.
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My favorite: “If my sister has three children, then I must have three children, because LIFE IS A COMPETITION, AND I MUST WIN.”
I am totally winning because I am having a baby 2 months before my brother… SUCKA! I am already planning out the baby olympics for 4th of July
I’m a little competitive.
I love your jokes and sarcasm. I love your mental health. And I love your blog. Please do not change any of it! And take it from someone who just had a baby (I still get to say just when my baby is 8 months old, right?) – you don’t want another one.
You are funny! I held a baby today– 7 weeks. My fever spiked.