My heart has that heavy, melancholy feeling today. It’s like the feeling when you say goodbye to your friend who is moving to the far suburbs, and you promise to have play dates and meet half way all the time, but your heart knows you won’t. (Because your heart is realistic and has inside knowledge about how lazy you are.)
I know I’ll still see her, but it won’t be the same. I knew we were moving apart emotionally. I tried to walk the line between admitting the truth and pretending we’d have a few more seasons together.
But I am starting to think we won’t.
It’s fair to say I am in withdrawal. It’s not quite Jamie Foxx’ portrayal of Ray Charles in the biopic of the late singer, but I’m a little itchy and twitchy, because I’m breaking up with Ann Taylor and Loft.* We’re going cold turkey, people.
It’s a little addiction I started when I worked downtown all the time and needed lawyer-y clothes. Back then, I had disposable income and a sterling sense of entitlement that came from not enjoying my job but working really hard.
But 21 months out of my law practice days, and it hardly makes sense to even walk in there. Where am I going in raspberry-colored slacks or a charcoal sweater set? Carpool pick-up in my new fringey shawl?
There’s nothing wrong with having cute clothes, but I was still buying way more business casual clothes than I needed– considering I didn’t need any.
Last week, I crossed the Rubicon with this soft addiction to trendy (by Midwest standards) clothes. I gave my hard-earned $25.00 savings cards to Jeff. Those cards are the lifeblood of my relationship with Ann. They have kept me coming back, because it’s not that hard to find 50.00 worth of full-price merchandise, and then BOOM! Just like that: $25.00 off. That’s like 50%. Now, I’m not a math major but that’s a good deal.
The problem? I don’t need anything.
Not only am I not really going anywhere, but I already have things I’ve never worn. And this is terrible for my reputation around here as a responsible consumer.
So I gave the coveted savings cards to Jeff. And, in a moment of weakness when I wanted them back– to “give to a friend,” I learned he’d already thrown them away.
Look at Mr. Money Saver throwing out real-ass money! The nerve on him. I am just kidding. (Hi, Jeff, kiss kiss– don’t mind me going through the trash out back with the rats and rotten pumpkins! I am looking for something very important!)
Maybe it’s not for forever. Maybe someday Ann can help me out if I need a work wardrobe (*shudder*) or if I have a legitimate need for a little black shift. But for now, I’m gonna take my itchy twitchy self into my own closet and make up outfits composed of clothes I already own to wear to exciting places that only exist in my imagination.
* I can’t help thinking this would be so much cooler if my addiction was to H&M or Neiman Marcus or Chanel. But you know me, I am all about keeping it real.