As a society, I think we are this close to overdoing the phrase “there are no words.” Since that saying bugs me, I have started making up my own words, to prove to that yes, indeed, there are words, but you gotta make ‘em up.
Take parenting. It’s so complex and life-altering to parent. If you say, “it’s wonderful,” you sound like a Pollyanna D-bag who is hopped up on prescription drugs. Because, while it is often wonderful, that’s a shallow description of something that, oh so often, isn’t all that wonderful. (See, bleeding nipples, being up all night, changing diapers after your son binges on black olives).
On the other hand, if you say, “it blows chunks to be a parent,” that’s also one-dimensional because it doesn’t cover the high of seeing your child learn the words to a Willie Nelson song (“Faded Love”) or recognize Costco from the highway.
So, I made up a new adjective:
Harderful: adj., an experience that is both intensely wonderful in the deepest and most fundamentally fulfilling ways, but also harder than you ever expected as the experience required of you more guts, stamina, and sheer willpower than you knew you possessed.
So parenting? It’s really effing harderful. (Also harderful: travel to India, recovery from addiction, law school.)
My ferrets
While it’s certainly possible there is a bona fide Queen’s English word that is a synonym for harderful, I haven’t met that word yet, and harderful is starting to stick. I am going to talk to the Microsoft, Apple, and Instagram people about getting it added to the lexicon so your auto-correct won’t turn it into “harder ful” (because that’s such a great and oft-used phrase).
To be sure, there are experiences that are purely wonderful. I wrote about a recent one here on the Huffington Post about a grace-filled moment with my daughter during her abortive first dance recital.
And, yes, there are experiences that just blow chunks. I wrote about one here, and here, and here. Just last night, I snuggled into my bed alone since Jeff’s out of town. At midnight, Sadie pole-vaulted herself on top of me and proceeded to scissor kick me all night long. Except for when she was donkey-kicking Simon, who joined the calisthenics around 1:30 AM. It was like sleeping with two feral ferrets, kicking, clawing and grunting their way through my REM cycles. It sucked a whole lot, but also? It was sort of wonderful in that sleep-deprived, someone-get-me-some-effing-personal-space-pronto sort of way.
You know. It was harderful.
That’s a smashiferous word. Another great piece.
Thanks! I like your word too!
love here, here and here… would love to come up with a great new word to express true and fabulous, but i am ‘coffeless’, so… i’ll get back to ya.
I’m ok with the dual- true and fabulous.
ahh vintage words, they never go out of style.
Um, isn’t trubulous a word? It should be.
That rolls off the tongue. It is a word for me now!
While I truly like harderful, my favorite part of this post was you comparing your kids to Feral Ferrets. And in true Dave Barry fashion, all I can think is that Feral Ferrets would be a GREAT name for a rock band. Great post!
Let’s think this through. You are on drums, I am on the keyboard, and we’ll get some others in on this….Maybe my buddy the Grammar Belle (she’s from Big D) and we can lure Carinn from WTTM for steel guitar.
THE FERAL FERRETS…. headlining BLogHEr 2013.
Can we all sing? I love to sing. Are we punk rock? Or maybe the new Go-Gos? Or do we have to be country for steel guitar?
NO way, we are not all country. WE do it all. Go Gos, Ray LaMontagne (sp?), Iggy, Ziggy and Nanci Griffiths. WE do it all.
It is very hardful, and I believe this word will stick with me. Congratulations on your Huffington Post piece. It was also beautiful and well written, as usual. Would you be terribly offended if I went in and donkey kicked some of those commenters though?
You inspire me as a writer, Christie. I mean that.
Does Webster’s know about you? I love that word.
I have written them often, but they haven’t had time to hire me yet.
I also find parenting, in my case of twins, to be bi-polarific, swinging wildly from overwhelming love to a level of annoyance I never thought possible. I’m new to your blog and love it!! There is no better fodder for humor than the lunacy of children. I’ll be back here, often I expect!!!!
Yay! Nice to “meet” you and I love the word “Bi-polariffic”– it certainly fits!
Probably better than the smutty curse words I normally throw around when I write about kids. I should aspire to be more creative! I’m at LeftOfPlumb – come visit me and we can bond over our parenting philosophy…or my lack thereof.
Yes. I will head over there. The bonding shall commence.
Ferrets! I Love! And OMG! HUFFINGTON POST?!?!?! That’s like, HUGE! Heading over there now …
Thanks!
Awfully wonderful, wonderfully awufl. Harderful. Perfect.
Rolls off the tongue.
As usual, I’m rolling on the floor. Being a parent is one of the most harderful things I’ve ever both truly sucked at and been pretty gifted in as well. “Sifted”? Most days I feel completely inadequate then someone says “thank you or please” or take the bowl
to the sink and I think wow maybe I’m the best mom ever…5 min later I’m back to sifted. Haha
We use the word pooperslew instead of some other naughty things. It means “adj. 1. Oh crap. 2. Something we don’t agree with. 3. My son and my 7 yr old sister made it up meaning people not invited to their club. Meaning those people are pooperslews. “Parenting sift” moment.
This is genius.
I love all your posts, but I think this one is my all time favorite!!
Thank you! Made my day.
Harderful it is. Webster’s is calling your name, sister. Congrats again on the Huff Post article – big time looks good on you! Now, can you come up with a word for marriage?
Marriage is definitely harderful.
Thank you for this great gift of a word!
I just used it to refer to my workout this afternoon. It was wonderful (to finish) and hard (while I was doing it).
I will be using that one for sure! I make them up but usually just add an -ish to a word. You got the creatively thing going on. Also, I like that it pairs up nicely with effing.
On another note: Printer’s Row Short Story Fiction Night was out of this world! Wish you’d have been free. Learned a ton about the process. The authors were so genuine, smart and hilarious (well 4 of 5). Very motivating. I’m going to the Maria Semple (Where’d you go, Bernadette) one sometime April-ish. Come with me!
Oh no!!!!! I missed it. So sad. I’ll look up the April one!
Harderful is brilliant! And I laughed out loud at “the high of seeing your child learn the words to a Willie Nelson song (“Faded Love”) or recognize Costco from the highway.” My 9yo ferret comes into bed even earlier when Dad is away. At least the 16yo stays put. Not sure there’d be room for him!
Oh yay!!! I want them to keep joining me for a few more years, just not every night!
Great new word. Definitely a keeper and very descriptive. Especially love the vision of your two ferrets monopolizing the bed last night. Harderful and wonderful for sure. Love you lots.
Indeed! Like graduate school!
I love waking to sweet toddler breath on my nose and HATE every other minute from midnight on. He pulls hair in his sleep and has magnets in his feet that demand he try to put his icy toes into the back of my jammies.
Can sometimes harderful be horribliss? Or horriblissish?
Yes!!! Horribliss. Love.
My brother-in-law just had his first baby literally last night! Harderful is just the perfect way to describe it all!! I’m totally going to use this.
Congrats on new baby in your family!
There are no words to describe how great the word harderful is. Haha. Get it? I said the thing you don’t like with the thing you made up? It’s early. Sorry.
Harderful. Yes. You nailed it.
You crack me up!!!!
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