If you loved me you would. . .
- shut up when I am trying to think
- talk to me the second I am done thinking
- not ask me for one more thing
- invite me to all your stuff
- stop stressing me out with all of your invitations
- compliment my clothes
- tell me the truth about the frumpy brown skirt from J. Crew circa 2001
- fix me dinner, but let me serve myself
- take the kids, but bring them back the second I miss them too much to enjoy solitude
- rub my feet
- stop touching me
- stop taking vacation when I need you at your post (ahem, therapist, talking to YOU)
- take care of yourself so you can teach me how to take care of myself
- read my blog but not take any of my crap personally
- let me have things that are “just mine”
- bring me flowers
- stop bringing me shit I have to later clean up
- appreciate all the things I do that you never know about
- read my mind
- stand up to me
- let me be a bitch on an as-needed basis
- call me on my children’s birthday
- let me rant about the friends that make me stabby and not judge me for still being friends with them
- never hide the chocolate
- keep the chocolate out of my sight because OHMYGODIFEELSOFAT
- let me listen to my radio station
- introduce me to music you love so my life is both bigger and richer
- understand that no means no, except when it means yes (please inferred)
- understand that leave me alone means I need a hug (please inferred)
- just please do the damn dishes
- stop doing the dishes and come sit with me while I talk about myself some more
- put me at the center of your world
- let me off the hook by having a big world, some of which has nothing to do with MOI
- see me, really see me
- stop looking at me and let me hide
- give me space
- hold me close
- let me in
- hold your boundaries
- laugh at all my jokes
- be sincere– never pandering
- hold me up
- let me fall
- shut me up
- let me speak
- look me in the eye
- avert your gaze
- help me soar
- keep me grounded
Is this so hard?
“stop doing the dishes and come sit with me while I talk about myself some more” – Priceless.
Is that too much to ask? Hope not because it’s all I want….other than those other 29 things.
Bwahahahahahaha! I don’t think it’s too much to ask at all!
Especially the two about chocolate. That’s exactly how I feel! “Do not bring chocolate into this house. Do not sabotage me!” “Omg, how did you let us run out of chocolate? Don’t you love me?”
I think Jeff can probably relate to al roker’s wife, whom Al told to just “shut it” on all matters involving food. Poor spouses of the crazy.
i am of two minds on this essay.
Exactly! You are my people!
The Howard Jones’ song “No One Is to Blame” played in my head as I read your post. In a way, I feel you get me even though we haven’t seen each other in years. Cheers mi amiga bonita!
Same!!! I love reconnecting. I’ll never forget some of our freshman year belly laughs!
Girl, I needed some Depends because of you!!
This is perfect! Can’t talk now, must run get this framed for my hubby!
Right. Gentle reminders.
Awesome list! My two favorites: read my blog but not take any of my crap personally, and let me rant about the friends that make me stabby and not judge me for still being friends with them.
Honestly, I ask that of my husband everyday. He’s a saint!
Help me soar. Keep me grounded. Maybe Jeff and Ian should chat – either to figure out how to navigate this list or to talk shit about their kooky wives.
Jeff would love that! Poor guy!
It’s like he doesn’t know me at all. Tell me what to do. Stop thinking you have all the answers. Pour me another drink. HIDE THE FUCKING TEQUILA. Smile at me like you used to. Stop; you look high.
Exactly. Oh my god exactly.
Brilliant!!!! Can I please lacquer this on a piece of driftwood (slightly burning the edges first, of course, for that ancient feel) and hang it on every wall of my house?
Shabby chic it!!
You are my hero today. Perfectly chosen words.
Simple right?
“tell me the truth about the frumpy brown skirt from J. Crew circa 2001″
Um, yes. My best friend and I had a mutual come to Jesus talk recently about certain articles of clothing that had been hanging out in our respective closets since freshman year of college. Eleven years and a combined thirty pounds heavier ago. I’m pretty sure I had the frumpy brown skirt, and that it was a-line, knee-length, and corduroy. Gross.
That’s the one!!!! Gross indeed!!!
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. This is why I completely get toddlers and teenagers. I want to do it, but I want you to do it for me. ALWAYS. What’s so hard about understanding this, really?
You know, I totally get that about my kids too. I want to tie my own shoes, but I completely lack the dexterity to make that happen. The fury and frustration is part of my daily life. I think I am part toddler and always will be.
Why do we get like this sometimes? I hate being the one that loads the dishwasher but if someone else does it, they do it wrong. So many silly things like that. And why can’t they read our minds?
I wish I knew!!
Seems very reasonable to me. . . much in the same way a three year old is reasonable. Don’t they (“they” – the group of scientists who know everything) say that life is cyclical?
Oh I totally blame my cycle for this.
You are awesome. That is all.
Mwah!
Brilliant! I think I have to print this out and post on fridge. Perfectly said. Never heard the word “shabby” before. That’s a new one for me. Love all your rants, raves, posts and more. xoxo
Shall I send this to the men in your life???
How do you always write my mind? It’s downright freakish.
EXACTLY. See? It’s not that hard. Also you must desire me at all times but only act on it when I’m in the mood. And it kills the mood if you ask so don’t ask, mood killer.
Oh yes. That goes without saying.
I would just put one thing for my list…leave me alone.
I think I adore you.
A perfectly simple list for the simple men in our lives! I don’t see a problem at all. When I feel stabby (this word describes the feeling to a “T”), listen to me but stay out of my way!
Yes!
So spot on! We want it all and nothing at all concurrently.
That’s right. Why is that hard?