Today I put on some real clothes and some shoes that require more effort than a quick flick of my foot on the way out the door. The pressure felt low because it was “only” informational interview about a more full-time position teaching legal writing. It’s always the “right” thing to do to step out of the comfort zone and find out what opportunities are available, right?
I wonder if it’s also the “right” thing to do to say, point blank, that my kids are still really little and I am still nursing so I am not sure if it’s the right time for me to heft myself into a big capital J job right now. Actually, I am sure: I am not ready. Taking this type of new position on, and doing it well, will require energy, focus and enthusiasm that I just flat-out do not have right now. I know it’s right to trust that if my career as a legal writing professor is meant to be, then the opportunity will come around again.
Driving home from the meeting, I felt happy about the clarity. It sure is more fun to inquire about a job when I am not dragging around 100 extra pounds of desperation and ambition to make the interviewer like me and want me. What has that type of job search yielded? It feels like being an adult — someone who has the audacity to discern and say “I am interested, but not ready.” I have never let myself take that stance. I have always wanted forward progression quickly. Like yesterday is too late.
Following my professional foray this afternoon, I experienced one of my first cinematic moments during bath time. After a rousing trip to Costco for samples, rotisserie chicken and 8 pounds of blueberries, Jeff and I were giving both kids a bath at the same time. We had our perfect moment: Simon was laughing and splashing around while Sadie giggled and splashed back. Jeff put his arm around me and I imagine he was thinking the same thing I was: Look at these two little people who are so happy — we have a part in that. It was truly sublime.
And, just to keep us humble and to test our eye sight and fine motor skills, Simon spent the next few seconds laying 3 turds in the bath. No wonder he was smiling.
From the ecstasy of shard bliss with Jeff to crawling around the tub on all fours to chase down Simon’s crap, this is the life I wouldn’t trade for all the fascinating first-year legal writing drafts in the world.