Are you alive?

If you want to do a little test to see if you are alive, then watch this video.  If it moves you in any way, you are alive.  If not, you are dead so you can stop paying your bills and worrying about your hair loss.

Tonight I watched this video with Sadie who came down with a raging fever right before my very eyes.  One second we were all upstairs listening to music (I was playing DJ and did a stunning mash up of “This Little Light of Mine” and “C is for Cookie”), and the next thing I know Sadie looked up at me with glassy eyes and shivering like she was standing on the el platform in December.  It was the most precipitious sickness I have ever witnessed.

We brought her to bed and snuggled up with her and, as a special treat, let her have the iPad.  I was laying with her and after the 15th Elmo video, I told her we were going to watch some ballet videos. 

We watched Jim Nowakowski dance in this YouTube segment over and over again.  I had chills everytime.  So did Sadie, but maybe that was the 102 degree fever. 

Beyond the fact that I cannot believe what he can do with his body is the fact that I can feel his joy in my bones when I watch him dance.  I want to feel like that about the work I do.  I want to feel that soaring, graceful, jubilant elevation in my life.  There is no way I can do with my body what Jim does with his, unless I am dismembered in some grisly fashion. But I want to do with my spirit what he is doing with his. 

I actually know people who feel this way about their work.   They are out there.  Just today my therapist asked me if I was willing to join prosperity and joy in my life.  When people talk about joy and prosperity– the whole “do what you love and the money will follow”– I roll my eyes and picture Oprah, the billionaire workaholic, saying that.  So, I told my therapist that I had never experienced a co-mingling of joy and prosperity.  Hell, for me, joy and prosperity have never even gone on a date, much less exchanged bodily fluids or married. 

I am willing.  I want to say it’s not possible for me simply because I haven’t done it yet.  I used to say that it wouldn’t be possible for me to get married (or have even a semi-successful second date) or have children, and my dating history proved compelling evidence for my case.

But I was wrong about that.  I am married. I have two beautiful children. It wasn’t possible.  And then one day it was.  So maybe the prosperity and joy will unite for me if I just shut up with the “it’s impossible” already and give the universe a red hot second to show me.


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