Dinner At My House Last Night

5:00 PM CST

Jeff: What were you thinking for dinner?

Me: It’s all taken care of. I am marinating chicken; it’s the recipe I got from Erin last week.

Jeff: Delicious.

Me: So, we are having chicken, fresh cucumber and tomatoes, toasted pita, roasted asparagus and hummus.

Jeff: How did you make the hummus?

Me: Um. Make the hummus? I didn’t. I bought it with you at Stanley’s this weekend.

Jeff: Oh.

Me: <<<<<<picture fumes starting to rise from my head>>>>>>>>>>>

Me: Who makes hummus?  No one makes hummus; that’s why I bought it. I am not Israeli, you know. * (Admission: When we ate the delicious chicken at Erin’s, we did eat her homemade hummus.  She made it herself while hanging out with her 8-month old son and 2-year old daughter.) (Note to self: Get more slacker friends.)

Jeff: Making hummus is easy. I have done it a million times.

Me: Really? I have known you for 7 years; lived with you for about 4 and married to you for about 3.5 and I have never EVER tasted your “awesome hummus,” so you must have been really busy with your hummus-making right before I came onto the scene.

Jeff: I make great hummus, except for the time my favorite wooden spoon shattered when I was trying to crush sun-dried tomatoes into my hummus.  People said that batch was “chunky”.

Me: Yum.

*  *  *  *

6:00 PM CST

Sadie: I want a hot dog (from Costco).

Me: Sadie, we have a delicious feast waiting at home so we are not getting any food here at Costco.

Simon: Daddy! Daddy! Costco! Costco!  Antidisestablishmentarianism!

Jeff: Sadie, we are going to have Mommy’s chicken and some store-bought hummus.

[ASIDE: I am going to take a writing class for the specific and SOLE purpose of learning how to communicate to you, Dear Readers, the image of my head exploding combined with that awful screeching sound of a record needle scratching off a record so you will get the full import of Outlaw Mama’s reaction to her Beloved Husband’s treatment of the very hummus she bought in his presence.]

Me: Sadie, we can also nibble on the cold, steely, frigid air that will be circulating between Mommy and Daddy tonight if he makes one more comment about the hummus.

Jeff: And popsicles for dessert!

Me: It’s a good thing that the pavement told me to forgive yesterday.

* * *

Look at my perfect chicken, thanks to Erin, whom I forgive for her incorrigible over-achieving:

Perfectly seared chicken for a Middle Eastern feast

Delightful dinner

Delightful dinner with hummus on the right (foreground)

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15 thoughts on “Dinner At My House Last Night

  1. Holy crap this post is making me laugh and laugh and laugh. I even just called my husband to tell him (unfortunately for me your funny didn’t translate).

    First of all, I hearby nominate myself to be your slacker friend.

    Second your pain is oh so real to me. When I wrote this post about pancakes http://welcometothemotherhood.com/2012/03/12/flapjack-redemption , my husband informed me after the black batch that he USED TO COOK PANCAKES ALL THE TIME. Excuse me? WTF? TEN years we’ve been together. First I heard of it was in making me feel bad that I couldn’t make them. The nerve of these men. Please have Jeff ship me some of his delicious homemade hummus.

  2. This post had Mara asking “What’s so funny?” I’m glad your dinner was good – and next time I am having you over on leftover takeout night to prove I am not an overachiever.

  3. First of all, I would never make my own hummus when Trader Joe’s Classic Smooth and Creamy Hummus is so delicious.

    Also, my husband of 16 years (and cohabitation for 18 years) periodically refers to his “special secret chicken recipe” and his “special secret pork chop recipe.” He did make the pork chops for me a time or two in the mid-90’s, but not since then, and never the chicken, yet the recipe purports to exist.

  4. Your dinner looks awesome, even if you didn’t slaughter the chicken yourself and harvest the tomatoes, cucumbers, and asparagus from your own organic garden. That’s how I would have done it.

    Either that or just called for take out.

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