5:00 PM CST
Jeff: What were you thinking for dinner?
Me: It’s all taken care of. I am marinating chicken; it’s the recipe I got from Erin last week.
Me: So, we are having chicken, fresh cucumber and tomatoes, toasted pita, roasted asparagus and hummus.
Jeff: How did you make the hummus?
Me: Um. Make the hummus? I didn’t. I bought it with you at Stanley’s this weekend.
Me: <<<<<<picture fumes starting to rise from my head>>>>>>>>>>>
Me: Who makes hummus? No one makes hummus; that’s why I bought it. I am not Israeli, you know. * (Admission: When we ate the delicious chicken at Erin’s, we did eat her homemade hummus. She made it herself while hanging out with her 8-month old son and 2-year old daughter.) (Note to self: Get more slacker friends.)
Jeff: Making hummus is easy. I have done it a million times.
Me: Really? I have known you for 7 years; lived with you for about 4 and married to you for about 3.5 and I have never EVER tasted your “awesome hummus,” so you must have been really busy with your hummus-making right before I came onto the scene.
Jeff: I make great hummus, except for the time my favorite wooden spoon shattered when I was trying to crush sun-dried tomatoes into my hummus. People said that batch was “chunky”.
* * * *
6:00 PM CST
Sadie: I want a hot dog (from Costco).
Me: Sadie, we have a delicious feast waiting at home so we are not getting any food here at Costco.
Simon: Daddy! Daddy! Costco! Costco! Antidisestablishmentarianism!
Jeff: Sadie, we are going to have Mommy’s chicken and some store-bought hummus.
[ASIDE: I am going to take a writing class for the specific and SOLE purpose of learning how to communicate to you, Dear Readers, the image of my head exploding combined with that awful screeching sound of a record needle scratching off a record so you will get the full import of Outlaw Mama’s reaction to her Beloved Husband’s treatment of the very hummus she bought in his presence.]
Me: Sadie, we can also nibble on the cold, steely, frigid air that will be circulating between Mommy and Daddy tonight if he makes one more comment about the hummus.
Jeff: And popsicles for dessert!
Me: It’s a good thing that the pavement told me to forgive yesterday.
* * *
Look at my perfect chicken, thanks to Erin, whom I forgive for her incorrigible over-achieving: