If you have been to a graduation, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, baptism, or other similar rite of passage in the last decade, you are no doubt familiar with Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance, which is an apt anthem for any occasion whereby wishes are offered to a member of a younger generation. It’s not a new sentiment, but Womack’s IHYD is a solid (if a little saccharine-y) version of a familiar trope.
I have prepared some additional lyrics for Ms. Womack, which sprang from my own deep desire for my children. Yes, I want them to experience wonder and give faith a “fighting chance,” but I am greedy. I want more for them.
Having zero musical background, I am still working on details like chords and cadence, but here’s the gist of what I think Ms. Womack should add to IHYD:
- I hope you are not the kind of d-bag that takes a treadmill right next to the only other person working out on the treadmills, especially when there are no fewer than 8 others open. Give people space, children.
- I hope you are not that person in your group of friends who hates to have your picture taken. That person is so annoying.
- I hope you get married and invite me to the ceremony (I’ll pay), but I hope you are not drunk during the ceremony because I am telling you right now, I will assume you are an alcoholic and march your ass to AA. During your honeymoon.
- I hope you know I am ok if you settle for the path of least resistance because it will be awkward to watch you struggle from my summer home in Cabo. Don’t ruin it for me with tragic struggles.
- I hope you also know it’s ok with me if you fear mountains in the distance because lots of times mountains are home to creepy, “off the grid” types of people, who consolidate guns and want to kill officially elected representatives.
Click her to make Outlaw Mama’s version your ringtone.