The English love their royalty. From the press generated on the first anniversary of William and Kate’s wedding, it seems like the English are cherishing the upgrade to the royal landscape that Kate Middleton has provided. English journalist Victoria Mather spoke so highly of Kate in her Newsweek article last week (overshadowed, no doubt, by the bondage article) that I had to recount her praise herein.
- Mather loves Kate’s figure, which she calls “fabulous,” because when Kate “alighted in Hollywood” she made “Nicole Kidman look fat.” (Because what’s better than being thinner than one of the thinnest women in a warped and pathological contest?)
- Mather loves how Kate eschews the spotlight in order to let her prince shine: “She does not upstage her balding Prince Charming. She does not upstage the queen or her stepmother-in-law . . . She always hangs back a little, still smiling, not limelight-hogging.” (God, is there anything worse than a woman who wants some attention or wants to stand in the front? Poor Jeff, he’s screwed.)
- Mather adores Kate’s “cloak of invisibility.” (Awesome– anyone else wonder if this is satire?)
- Mather says the secret to the royal marriage is “teamwork.” (Not sure how Kate hanging back all the time and being invisible is teamwork, but ok, I also don’t “get” bangers, so whatever.)
- Don’t forget the most important part of Kate’s perfection: “Above all, she is there to enhance her husband, not diminish him.” (Because there are only two choices: enhance William or diminish him. It’s got nothing to do with you, Kate. Be sure you don’t do anything inappropriate, like stand next to him.)
- Admired as well was the fact that when Kate and William had a rowing race, “of course she let him win.” (If I ever had a delusion that I might be royal material, it’s now crushed. To smithereens. I won’t let Jeff win at anything. Ever.)
- Mather saved her highest praise for the last paragraph: “Rather like Barbie, we’ve now had Bridal Kate, Classic Kate, Hollywood Kate, and Sporty Kate.” (Have the British not seen the scathing critiques of Barbie? Could someone send them that memo?)
Anyone else feeling a surge of patriotism right about now?