You know what holiday is just too damn commercial?
I am serious. I don’t want flowers; flowers are for random Tuesdays when you just want to say “I love you.” I don’t want chocolate, because, frankly, I buy it for myself. (And then hide it so I won’t eat it and then forget where it is and buy it again. And so on. Some days this is my only exercise. Don’t take that away from me.) I don’t need an expensive spa treatment. Well, actually maybe I do need that, but it’s not at the top of my list. So save your money.
You know what I want? I want to go to the bathroom by myself. I want time alone in my house during the day when I can do whatever I want: watch the OWN Network, take a shower, watch videos on YouTube, read Fifty Shades of Gray.
Everything I want is free, none of it wilts and makes a mess in a vase I will have to clean up later, and none of costs vital Weight Watchers points.
I don’t even need all day. Just a few quiet hours. I want to celebrate being a mom by not having to mother anyone for a few hours. Ironic? Maybe. I don’t care.
I would be more than happy to reunite with Jeff and the kids after some ME time, but only if they take me to this once-in-a-lifetime-event: Dee Snider, Twisted Sister frontman and author (apparently), appearing at Costco for a book signing.
Come on. It’s the hardest job in the world. I deserve this.