Dearly Beloved

In honor of President Obama’s unambiguous support of gay marriage (are Perez Hilton and I the only two people who think this is a wee bit overdue?), I have compiled a list of people I am forbidding my children to marry.  So listen up, Sadie and Simon: casual, hot, PROTECTED sex with the following people is fine, but NO MARRIAGE.

  • Anyone who has appeared on The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or any of The Real Housewives franchises (I don’t need to explain why, do I?)
  • Charlie Sheen, Miley Cyrus, or any of the “news” journalists from Extra, Inside Edition, or Entertainment Tonight
  • Bristol Palin (And DO NOT let me catch you reading her blog.  Find some porn; it’s healthier.)
  • Lance Bass (or any of his offspring, heirs or assigns– those beady eyes scare me)
  • Prince Harry (too wild, too reckless, too out-of-touch with his mommy issues)
  • Ryan Gosling (love him from afar, but do not marry him because it will be super awkward during the mother-in-law/groom dance)

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7 thoughts on “Dearly Beloved

  1. I absolutely agree with everything EXCEPT Prince Harry. And the only reason I would allow my daughter to marry him would be FOR the Groom/Mother-in-Law dance. I would be a groping fool!

    As an aside, It is definately weird when you and your 20 year old daughter have crushes on the same actors. Case in point: Johnny Depp.

    • Omg! I was thinking of putting JD on my list because I don’t want him taking either of my babies to France but then I decided that it would be awesome to visit France to see future grand babies.

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