In honor of President Obama’s unambiguous support of gay marriage (are Perez Hilton and I the only two people who think this is a wee bit overdue?), I have compiled a list of people I am forbidding my children to marry. So listen up, Sadie and Simon: casual, hot, PROTECTED sex with the following people is fine, but NO MARRIAGE.
- Anyone who has appeared on The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or any of The Real Housewives franchises (I don’t need to explain why, do I?)
- Charlie Sheen, Miley Cyrus, or any of the “news” journalists from Extra, Inside Edition, or Entertainment Tonight
- Bristol Palin (And DO NOT let me catch you reading her blog. Find some porn; it’s healthier.)
- Lance Bass (or any of his offspring, heirs or assigns– those beady eyes scare me)
- Prince Harry (too wild, too reckless, too out-of-touch with his mommy issues)
- Ryan Gosling (love him from afar, but do not marry him because it will be super awkward during the mother-in-law/groom dance)