I Am The Type To Forget To Diaper My Son

Someday we’ll all get a big laugh about the time I forgot to put a diaper on Simon when he was in the kid center at the health club.  Today may be the day for you to get the laugh; I am going to need more time.

Last night, as I was dropping Sadie and Simon off with the beloved “Carla” who works in the kid center, I smelled something funny in Simon’s pants. (“Funny” as in “fecal” not as in “ha ha.”)  I diligently checked his load and changed his diaper, while Sadie immediately started playing with the other kids by stealing their snacks.  I gave them both kisses and told Carla I would be back after spin class.

Spin class was transporting me to my happy place.  As sweat poured off my brow and onto the floor beneath my bike, I relaxed into a deep cardio reverie.  I didn’t notice at first when the health club fitness director walked into class with her walkie-talkie (is that thing really necessary?), but I did see her whisper something to the teacher, who promptly reacted by turning down the mash-up of “Moves Like Jagger” and “We Are Young.” She asked if there was anyone by the name of “Outlaw Mama” present.  Turns out I was needed in the kid center.

  The ever basic diaper change

Is it wrong that my first thought was not about the safety and well-being of my children, but about my abject disappointment that I wouldn’t be able to climb that last hill with the class?

Still out of breath from being almost 40 pushing myself during class, I gathered my things and made my way to the kid center.  When I turned the corner and saw Carla peering out of the door I felt the nauseating elixir of fear and shame.  When I was still eight yards away, Carla shouted to me, “You forgot to put a diaper on Simon!”

What?  How is that even possible?  I changed him less than 40 minutes ago on the padded changing table in the kid center, right in front of Carla’s eyes.  When I got into the room, Sadie confirmed Carla’s statement, “Mommy, Simon pooped, and you forgot the diaper.”  Having defecated his diaper-less pants only moments before, Simon was happily chasing an orange beach ball around the room.  I picked him up and smelled that “funny” smell again, and then I saw some “funny” stains on his pants.  He definitely was not wearing a diaper.

I turned and apologized to Carla profusely.  She accepted my apology and said something curious, “It’s ok.  I know you are not one of those kind of moms.”  In the blur of the moment, I couldn’t process Carla’s statement.  Did she mean I am not the type of mom to purposely forget a diaper?  Because I think it’s clear that I am the type to accidentally forget the diaper.  Actually, I am having a hard time imagining what kind of mom is worse than the one who flat-out forgot to put her son’s diaper on.  Which mom is that?


14 thoughts on “I Am The Type To Forget To Diaper My Son

  1. Earlier this week I was changing my 3-month old son at home. While changing him, I was mentally walking through the process I was about to engage in: change son, put son in crib (because it isn’t safe to leave a baby..especially a wiggly 12-week-old..on a changing table), wash hands, pick up son, feed son.
    As I was executing the Wash Hands step, I realized I had skipped the Put Son in Crib step.
    My only excuse is that it was 1:00 a.m.

    • Oh I have so been there! When my kids were that little, I was so tired I never could remember which anything. I would say to Jeff: which boob am I supposed to start feeding with this time? And 1 am is a perfect excuse!

  2. Here is why you forgot the diaper. You were seconds away from the escape that you so clearly needed that your mind was filled with joy. There is no time for poop when there is joy literally around the corner.

  3. You just forgot a diaper. I’ve forgotten the kid that goes in the diaper before. The poor girl is 20 years old now and still refers to the credit union where I left without her one day as “the bad place.”

  4. I have questions. Is her name not really “Carla”? Does your gym sitter read your blog?

    I don’t think 38 qualifies as almost 40 unless you are Sally/Meg Ryan.

    Can you ask your spin teacher for that Fun/Moves like Jagger mash-up? I neeeeeeed it. For real.

    PS – this post was totally a passive aggressive way to prove you are a far superior mom than most of us. I would have left him in the original dirty diaper and jetted off to class. “Carla” doesn’t have to deal with three shit diapers a day like I do.

    • Oh shit! I never thought of just leaving him. It was so nasty. Thank you for the idea! I will get that mash up and post it here. No “Carla” doesn’t read my blog– good point. I just felt a little like I was throwing her under the bus. Then again, she interrupted my spin class!

  5. You know what’s funny about that? Ryan pooped on the floor today. Maybe Ryan was pooping in solidarity with his cousin?

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