Have Penis, Should Blog (Or The Only Thing This Blog Is Missing Is A Penis)

Today’s topic: Dads who blog about being dads.

 

 

Daddy Blogger

Daddy Blogger

This weekend, a friend of mine — a 50-something dad with children ranging in ages from 4 to 24– emailed me to say he was going to start a blog.  I thought he was joking, but he emailed back to say he had watched Julie & Julia and could see that there could be big bucks in blogging. I emailed him back and mentioned that there are about 17 million mommy bloggers and considerably fewer daddy bloggers, so having a penis and a kid or two would probably increase his odds of success.

Next thing I know, he’s sent me the working title of his blog and his first post.  It was a strong opening salvo; it was funny, tender and featured both kiddie vomit and late night bullsh*t that goes on with children.  I sat and stared at the screen and three thoughts came to my mind:

1. I should start a new blog under a daddy pseudonym, like “Father of the Pride” or “Daddy Is the New Mommy,” and write a fictitious blog about a stay-at-home dad.

2. I should convince Jeff to relax on his day job and start a blog, then we could create companion blogs about our lives. OH MY GOD, I am a genius.

3. I should give my Daddy Blogger friend whatever tips I think I know and then assure him that I don’t really know anything and implore him to seek professional help.

I opted for choice #3 (because I had meditated that morning as well and was feeling buoyed by spirituality).  I decided to research the daddy blogs I know and see what I could glean about success or branding.  I checked out five blogs and happened to see, for the first time ever, the pictures of the authors.  My jaw still hurts from coming unhinged from the shock of seeing the countenances of the gentlemen who pen blogs about their broods, their wives’ breast pumps, and their own struggles that look just like mine, actually.

THEY ARE ALL SO F*CKING YOUNG.  Seriously. I have more chest hair than these guys.  They don’t look old enough for nocturnal emissions, much less sperm strong enough to make babies.  It’s like Beaver Cleaver opened his lap top and started a witty journal about parenthood.  I am not making a judgment on their attractiveness–mostly because if I did, I would feel like Mary Kay LeTourneau or Mrs. Robinson.  Seriously, these guys looked like the boys I wanted to date in high school.  It appears that half of my sample size (2.5 daddy bloggers) hold down breadwinner-type jobs and the other half parent on a full-time basis.  They are definitely articulate and insightful for pre-teens.

And here’s the thing, I don’t know any dads who blog (except for the aforementioned friend), which clearly informs my observations. (If you know any I should read, please send me the information.) I am not aware of any Daddy Bloggers posting comments on my blog or any dads who actually even read it (including my own, but that’s another therapy session post).  I certainly welcome daddy readers here.  I do follow a few Daddy Bloggers that I stumbled upon from Huffington Post, Babble, and Freshly Pressed.  (No, that is not bitterness and jealousy you detect here; remember, I meditate.)

When I followed up with my aspiring daddy blogger friend, I had to break it to him gently.  For his profile picture he should use either a picture of his 23-year-old son or a film still of Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black (which is Brad at his cleanest and his lips at their pouty-est) and hope for the best.

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25 thoughts on “Have Penis, Should Blog (Or The Only Thing This Blog Is Missing Is A Penis)

  1. This is a great Daddy Blog. And, no offense to the author, but he definitely doesn’t look like any of the dads you described (too much hair!). Maybe that will be some consolation for your friend!

  2. Before I read the whole post, I stopped and reflected on the photo embedded in the post. My first thought? I’m going to comment and say “That boy in the picture could be my baby daddy”. Then, I kept reading. Shoot, you picked a young cute boy on purpose! Too funny! I really need to add a photo to my blog. No one needs to know that’s not the current me…so I’m going to find an older picture of the younger me, photoshop so trendy clothes (after I learn to do photoshop) and use the slightly altered picture as the current me.

  3. Am still liking your pseudonym idea – that’s where the money is!! I’ll help you design the perfect young dad face. Or we’ll just use Ryan Gosling. Or scrap the blog and let’s just use Ryan Gosling. For anything!

  4. The Daddy Blogger world is definitely ripe for some competition and market saturation. Maybe if your friend is the “old guy” among them, he’ll find his niche?! In any case, the only daddy blogger I do follow is Matt Logelin. I don’t know how old he is, he has a beard which I think makes him at least look older. His name is the web address. I warn you though, don’t go to the blog without some tissues first, and maybe a stiff drink or valium.

      • You mean about Sally’s boyfriend’s weird mustache? Totally creeped me out, I’m still recovering myself.

        Oh you meant the other thing. wow, that was something wasn’t it? We heard a spoiler at the beginning of the season that someone would commit suicide but I was sure it would be Pete. The Jaguar that wouldn’t start was sheer genius.

        Did you know that Sally’s boyfriend is Matthew Weiner’s son? Why didn’t my parents write Punky Brewster??? Just looking for a nepotism bone here people.

  5. Brilliance.

    It’s disconcerting how much testosterone is missing on the interwebs, isn’t it? Definitely worth looking into, although, I am sure your new blog friend will have a book deal within a year and be able to quit any full-time gig to concentrate on his writing.

  6. Uh-oh I’m just going to say it. I don’t like it when men blog. I feel like it’s the women’s realm and they dont’ belong. Oh boy. Am I going to get hate mail now? Found you at finding the funny.

    • Hilarious. I think I am tempted to draw that conclusion though I am not clear why. I love that you were brave enough to say it! Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Well, as the honorary penis owner in the the reply group, I am glad to represent the daddy bloggers. However, I am not regsitered under my daddy blogger persona and I must admit that my blog is not entirely Daddy stuff, though I did nice piece on reacting to baby vomit early on. Check out my other blog http://www.bigbagsofun.wordpress.com and go to the posts in March. There is a piece on caregivers that I believe discusses it. If not, look under sickies. Nice piece…..of writing I mean. Dang thing gets me in trouble every time.

    • I want to read all your blogs!!! Daddy or otherwise. While its awesome to read ladies all day long, it will be nice to get some balance. Thanks for representing!!!

  8. I blog often and I really thank you for your content.
    This great article has really peaked my interest. I am going to
    book mark your blog and keep checking for new information about once
    a week. I subscribed to your RSS feed too.

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