I am exhausted.
Having a new baby means sleepless nights and constant swings between agonizing worries and dizzying joys and new discoveries. Everyday I find new vistas in myself and my new little one.
Sometimes I feel so helpless– I don’t even know what I am doing. I know millions of people have done this before me, but I have trouble asking for help. I feel like I should already know what I am doing. In my darker moments, when I check on the baby late at night, my nasty inner critic sneers, “You are too old for this. You made a big mistake.”
And of course there’s the guilt. I wonder if Sadie and Simon feel neglected or displaced. I worry that I spend too much time with my new baby. I know sometimes I should be giving Sadie and Simon my full attention, but I am distracted by the new baby.
I also have fleeting worries about getting my body back into shape. Who has time to exercise when there’s a new baby in the house? I can’t possibly tear myself away to do something as vain as exercise. It’s going to have to wait until I get into a routine with the new baby.
Maybe this will get easier, when the baby is older and I know what I am doing. I remember to cut myself extra slack and plan an extra snack…. After all, my Twitter account is only five days old.
It’s bound to get easier, right?