I’m Posting Another Email (and Hoping Trojan Doesn’t Sue Me)

If you can stand it, here’s one more post about the upcoming blogger conference (BlogHer) that is taking place in NYC next weekend.  I am a little anxious about the whole thing, because it’s insanely overwhelming.  To deal with my anxiety, I have gotten busy.  For example, I have packed, even though I am not leaving for 8 more days.  When I am anxious, I tend to get industrious (and hostile– just ask my children or that guy who sneaked 23 items into the express lane at Target).

I am skittish for the same reasons that other bloggers have mentioned in their posts.  Namely, there will be 4,500 other bloggers (mostly women) running around this conference, and some of them I desperately want to meet because they have inspired me and become friends.  Some of them, I would prefer to admire from afar because they intimidate me to the point of pit stains, and others I hope to meet from behind a security detail, because, frankly, they scare me.

Also, no one is going to recognize me because my avatar (on-line image) is from when I was 33 months old.  I’ve put a lot of mileage on my face since.  And I have grown about 4.5 feet.  Here’s what I look like now, in case you want to find me next weekend:

I am on the left.

I am on the left.

Moreover, there is a big dance party called “Sparklecorn” for which I have purchased a tiara and some extra Ben-Gay for my sure-to-be-aching muscles after I show those ladies how a 39-year-old spark plug like myself does “the worm.”  (Also, there are also rumors of private parties, to which my exclusive invite seems to have gotten lost in the channels of the World Wide Web.)

There are mythical tales of amazing swag at this conference.  Every seasoned BlogHer attendee has implored us newbies to bring an extra suitcase for the free stuff.  Having run my fair share of 5K races, I am no stranger to the goodie bag, but I have never gotten one that has anything valuable in it.  Sure, it’s fun to have an extra 2 oz Clif Bar or some cool bumper stickers, but really? An extra suitcase? Surely these ladies are exaggerating.

Nevertheless, I admit that I have packed an extra duffel bag, just in case the freebies include Philosophy bath gel, Kate Spade spectator shoes, or Twizzlers.

But.

But, then I got this email from Ms. Monica Levy, who seems to have an intimate relationship with Trojan condoms. (Grandma, close your eyes.)  And she seems awfully excited about giving away “the biggest vibrator ever.”

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Levy, Monica <Monica.REDACT@REDACT.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Subject: BOOTH MERCURY I: Trojan is Bringing the Buzz to BlogHer 2012
To: “Christie.o.tate@gmail.com” <Christie.o.tate@gmail.com>

Hello Christie,

Saw that you’ll be attending this year’s BlogHer, and we’re excited to share that we’ll be attending for the first time and hope to have the opportunity to connect with you at our booth. We’re facilitating the biggest vibrator giveaway ever, and we hope you’ll stop by to chat with us and claim your free vibe…and perhaps a couple for your readers!

We’ll have some great stats on hand from our Trojan Charged Sex Life Survey that speak to sex/pleasure behaviors and beliefs in America, as well as some fun trivia and conversation starters for you and your readers.

Please let me know if you have any questions. I look forward to seeing you there!

Best,

Monica

Monica Levy

Consumer Marketing

250 Hudson St. | New York, NY 10013 | T: 212.642.7720

| www.edelman.com

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Upon receiving this email. I immediately forwarded it to Jeff, who responded with, “What the hell kind of conference is this?”

I think that was a justified response.

But, now I don’t know about the duffel bag I packed.  Is it going to be big enough? Because if they are giving free stuff, who am I not to take it?

Right?

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47 thoughts on “I’m Posting Another Email (and Hoping Trojan Doesn’t Sue Me)

  1. So is it the biggest vibrator ever or just the biggest giveaway ever? 🙂

    You’ll do great – remember, all bloggers are socially awkward anyway. 🙂

    • I am not sure, but they will certainly get a visit from me. I mean, I have to check it out for my readers. Yah, for my readers. And thanks for the encouragement. I know you are right.

  2. Biggest vibrator giveaway ever!! Claim your free vibe and perhaps a couple for your readers!! Oh please, please, please claim a couple for your readers! Bring the XXL suitcase. Your loyal readers, not fortunate enough to attend, love free swag too. Especially the buzzing kind!

  3. I just started reading you (fellow friend of @jessicaesquire), and I hope you have a great time at BlogHer. It seems like everyone who attends finds a way to get something out of it…even if that something is a free vibrator. Best of luck!

  4. OMG, I can’t believe it! Maybe they decided to go for it figuring that after 50 Shades, it might be a reasonable way to make money (I have not read it yet). The BlogHer thing was off my radar, which is kind of too bad since I live 20 miles from NYC.

      • Is Blue Baby going? I’m only going if she does..

        I would love to meet you! But unfortunately I can’t go. My sister is visiting. If I had known earlier I maybe could have arranged it. Is it always in NY? If so, next year. If not, I have to plan.

        I will have to keep reading your blog to find out about the vibrators and if you took a big enough bag. It’s a great central conflict for a yeah write post.

        Also, it would be fun in a few weeks to check your google analytics searches. This post might generate some doozies!

  5. I am not going, but rest assured now I will be on pins and needles awaiting your recap post so I can hear all about that vibrator giveaway. Maybe that’s what you can use the extra duffle bag for? [UNLESS IT’S NOT BIG ENOUGH]

  6. I am equal parts jealous and excited for you! I hope you have a wonderful time, make great contacts and learn tons that you share with those of us who can’t go. And if you can finagle an extra giant vibe that’d be cool too. 🙂

  7. So wait a minute, how come I’m getting the emails from Dodge and the “heavy period” people, and you’re getting the vibrator ones? So not fair! Apparently my “brand” screams minivan/PMS and yours screams “fun and sexy”. Note to self 😉

  8. I am new to blogging, so I hadn’t heard for this conference until recently. It sounds so fun! I’d be nervous, too, though, I won’t lie 🙂

    Make sure to bring that duffle, although I’m not sure the biggest vibe ever will fit in it?

  9. Hmmm…..masturbation and now vibrators. Grandma will not be impressed!

    I know you’ll have a great time (despite the nerves and the requisite initial awkwardness)!

    I’ve been to a lot of conferences but the ‘swag’ consisted of a cotton bag, notepad, and pen. Oh, and Trojan never made an appearance, not even to women’s history conferences. Perhaps you could make the suggestion?

    • Your comment makes me want to make up a cheer about “Seneca Falls”! Not sure how random that is, other than I thought of it when you mentioned women’s history. And my Grandma would probably hire some nice church goes to stick me in a burning can if she knew I wrote about masturbation– and incidentally, the Trojan email came WHILE I WAS WRITING ABOUT MASTURBATION as a metaphor for isolate and alienation– so yea, Grandma’s not impressed with me. But I might be impressed with the vibe situation. But you should know I am all talk and am terrified of all things electronic when it comes to intimacy.

  10. Doesn’t Trojan make condoms? So does this mean the vibe will be wrapped in the world’s biggest condom? Kind of like a Ziploc bag? Whoa… now that would be cool if you got a new vibrator and a box of condoms and a box of Ziploc bags! There are so many ways to mix and match all of that.

    Have fun… bummer I’ll be out of town!

  11. oh, I dunno about Seneca falls. I think those gals knew how to have a good time under all those skirts. Never write off those early suffragists…but what i want to know is where is MY invitation to the biggest vibrator giveaway, hmm? clearly I am on all the wrong mailing lists…but you all vibrator party folks will be easy to spot at blogher. You’ll be the ones with the…er…let’s call it the “inner glow.”

    • I seriously wonder how I got that of all the invites. A vibrator invitation? Maybe it’s because I couldn’t shut up about Fifty Shades there for about a week. I am sure that’s it. I was just thinking what would be my fantasy swag and I have to say that notwithstanding the fact I have been trying to declutter for MONTHS, I would love some free books to read (because gosh, I have nothing but free time), a new tea pot (because I am wild when I get some herbal tea in me), and some running socks (because the most expensive the sock, the sooner I lose it). I love my dreams. They are real to me.

  12. Your writing continues to amaze me day after day (after day). I’m thinking some serious swag bag appropriate and well deserved. And Ms. Monica’s “vibe” may put you over the edge! Bring home some Twizzlers for me!

  13. Pingback: The five (misguided) ways I intend to redeem myself at BlogHer | Welcome to the Motherhood

  14. Pingback: The five (misguided) ways I intend to redeem myself at BlogHer | Welcome to the Motherhood

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