I know I shouldn’t blog when I am in a bad mood, but I promised myself it would be acceptable this time, because I plan to channel my grumps into something positive.
Let me sum up my bad mood thusly: Someone in my household went on a fabulous golf trip. For argument’s sake, let’s say it was my husband. Outlaw Mama, for her part, was hoping that when he got back from his faboo vacay several things would happen:
1. There would be tears of gratitude (from Hubs) for all the hard work I did keeping our children clean and fed and expelling tree nuts from their nostrils while he frolicked on the fairway;
2. I would get a fancy souvenir from the majestic Pacific Coast; and
3. I wouldn’t have to lift an unmanicured finger to do a damn thing for the rest of the week, once he got home and was “on duty.”
Guess which one of those happened?
If you guessed NONE, you are correct. If you are now picturing me prostrate on my bed sobbing because “no one appreciates me” (or “appreciates the staggeringly amazing things I do for this family”), you know me well . If you are also picturing me curled up on the floor saying, “just because I don’t bring in money doesn’t mean I don’t work really hard,” you, too, can claim intimate knowledge of how my mind works.
While this pity party has been
humiliating somewhat useful — for example, my skin looks great from all the crying– it has gotta stop. Not because I am above self-pity, but because it’s taking too much energy. And I need to save my energy for the Lance Armstrong-Tiger Woods post I am hoping to write.
So, here’s how I am lifting myself out of the morass of self-pity:
There will be no more waiting around for my husband to thank me and whisper the words of praise that I so desperately crave. Not holding my breath for my kids to say it either. Nope. I’m just going to say it to myself, and then I am going to say it to others, who may not hear “YOU ARE AMAZING AT WHAT YOU DO” nearly enough.
We’re going to call them affirmations.
Here’s mine: “When Jeff was out of town, I did a great job handling the kids’ morning and evening routines by myself for
hundreds of several days. I didn’t drop a single F bomb in their presence. And I did a great job supporting him having a grand time on a special trip. I was not perfect, but I was as close as I may ever get.”
Now, here are some affirmations I am giving out to others: (These affirmations are not meant to disparage the families of these wonderful women; rather, I offer them on the slight chance that they may want some props for the hard shit they do that no one notices. You know, just in case.)
A Teachable Mom, you do an amazing job of supporting your daughters’ relationship with your husband.
Larks Notes This, it’s marvelous how you balanced being honest and being human with your kid, especially in the post about the invitation for extreme exercise.
Moments of Exhilaration, your love for your daughter and your support for her wide range of experiences came through in your Homeless Crackers post (and every other one too).
A Grand New Mom, you balance so many things, and I think you are doing a great job wearing all the hats you do.
Welcome to the Motherhood, you are so brave to let go of your job and to transition into full-time motherhood. GO YOU.
Stephanie Saye, raising two boys and writing books and blogging while your husband travels (for work and play)– it’s not easy. I bet you do more things in a day than I could count.
Naptime Writing, your post about the positive performance review from your son brought me to tears; I want to piggy back on his comment and say, you are a good writer.
Just Begin From Here, you are both brave and creative bringing that bunny to Greece for your daughter. You are a good mommy.
Reedster, you can call yourself a Bad Mother all you want in your satirical pieces, but I am on to you. You are the real deal. Your kids are lucky.
Snaps and Bits, you, wonderful you, with that Pet Cube! If no one has said it to you today, THANK YOU for all that you do.
Dose of Reality, I wouldn’t forget you. Thank you! I hope your family is saying this to you all the freaking time.
Running From Hell with El, you do lots of the same things I do, but you run 10 miles in the morning before I step foot out of bed. You are amazing.
Michelle Longo, I just know your husband and son say thank you all the time, but in case they forgot today, THANK YOU.
I’d Rather Sit On the Couch, I am just getting to know you, but I’ll go out on a limb and say you are a fantastic mommy and THANK YOU for all that you did today that no one is thanking you for.
Fractured Family Tales, you deserve a Thank You, a hug, and a gigantic sock monkey to punch.
Whisper to Scream, thank you for all that you do that no one sees; thank you for the light that you shine on us.
Joyce Polance, you are a brave mom who teaches me about letting kids have space when they need it. Thank you.
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If you would like an affirmation for yourself or someone you know who could use a big, fat THANK YOU, let me know. I’ll add to this list as long as there is an Internet. Also, if you have any tips on how you boost your spirits when you want to hear a thank you or some props for your hard work, what do you do? Where do you get it? Is there an app for it?