My Pier 1 Phobia: Papasan Chairs and Preschool

Pier 1 has NOTHING to do with this little lady starting school (image by Outlaw Papa)

My phobia of Pier 1 has NOTHING to do with this little lady starting school (image by Outlaw Papa)

Time: 3 AM

Place: My head

Date: This morning

Re: My wonderfully adjusted psyche, the mental chatter edition

I can’t sleep.

Everything is fine.

Just close your eyes and sleep.

I can’t.

You can.


But, what?

I can’t stop thinking about Pier 1.

Why are you thinking about Pier 1?

There’s that Pier 1 right across from Sadie’s school.


It makes me nervous.


Pier 1…it has all that bamboo and rattan furniture; it intimidates me.

That’s insane. Go to sleep.

I know, but there’s also all those pillows and candles.

It doesn’t matter what’s in Pier 1 if you don’t go in.

Oh! I am not going in.

Good. Sleep.

It’s just that there are those huge, looming fake branch-y foliage-y things that are right by the window.

Park somewhere else when you pick up Sadie.

Of course. I will park on the other side of her school.  Good idea.

Super. Glad we had a chance to chat.  Let’s talk again tomorrow.

What do you think it means?


My new-found phobia of Pier 1.

I’m not sure, maybe you were always afraid and now you have to confront it.

Pier 1…they should call it Fear 1.

Maybe it has something to do with the changes in your life.

What changes?

The fact that Sadie is now in school, which is a pretty big milestone.

It’s only 2.75 hours a day; it’s not that big of a milestone.

Right. That’s why every single Facebook picture is of children going back to school.

Hmmmm.  It’s just preschool.

Putting the word “just” before it doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal.

You may have a point.

Guess what. I have another point: it’s late and we need sleep.

Every time I close my eyes I see those papasan chairs from the Pier 1 sidewalk sale.

The stuff of nightmares: Papasan chair (image from

The stuff of nightmares: Papasan chair (image from

Sleep with your eyes open.

Very funny.

Pier 1 can’t hurt you; I just set the alarm.

Can we turn on a night light?

You don’t want me to do that.

Why not?


Tell me! Why?

Mom got us that frog nightlight.


She bought it at Pier 1.

I will never sleep again.

Apparently me neither.

How about a snack? Those don’t remind me of Pier 1.

No, you can only get snacks at Cost Plus World Market.

Sometimes I get those two stores confused.

Just remember: no snacks at Pier 1.

No wonder I have nightmares about it.  A world without snacks makes me shudder to the core.

This conversation is making me shudder to the core. Please.  Sleep.

Fine.  I’ll try.

That’s all I ask.

* * *

So, yes, the adjustment to preschool is going swimmingly well over here.



34 thoughts on “My Pier 1 Phobia: Papasan Chairs and Preschool

    • Insane right! I was just thinking that your Avi on Twitter makes me want to have more children So, thanks for that. My hubs is going to thank you too when I start asking for more babies so I can put them on my shoulders like yours.


  1. My mom had a papasan chair in her 50’s. She fell out of it and broke her elbow. I am terrified of papasan chairs and refuse to go to Pier One for that very reason. Your phobia makes all the sense to me. Let’s sit in some REGULAR chairs and gibber together.

  2. Can we talk about the overwhelming smells in Pier 1? It’s as bad as a Yankee Candle store. But Pier 1 is more crowded with crap, so there’s less air flow.
    Best wishes for starting pre-school. Just know the late night brain convos happen constantly as they grow.
    XOXO Laura from

  3. Sooo funny! My brain is also working overtime now that Rhys is in school – though my self-chats aren’t nearly as productive or loving. At least you have retail therapy options near your school. Never know when those will come in handy!

  4. Bwah haha!! Yes. It must be the lack of snacks to blame for your phobia, because, seriously, that papasan chair could not be any more innocuous. Love the 3 AM wierdness. My little one went to pre-school (though they call it “baby class” here in Kenya) today too. I just basically felt lonely all day. I wish I could have had some odd phobia to obsess over and overshadow that though…

    • There is no doubt in my mind that the papasan phobia is a nice (or not nice) cover for the emotions brewing….loneliness is a big one. I have it right as we speak.

      Can I please just say that it’s so amazing you are in KENYA and commenting on my Chicago quotidian ramblings? So amazing.

  5. You are so global.

    I just love that Jeff is actually having a conversation with you at 3 AM. At this point, my husband just leaves the room when I wake him up when I hear things, feel earthquakes (even though we don’t live in San Francisco anymore) and turn him over on his stomach from his snoring. This is a big milestone! I can’t wait to hear what she has to say about preschool or if she says anything at all!
    If you show up early for pick up do you fear that you will browse Pier I too often?

  6. I laughed so hard at this. This is me and my brain. And how I always picture other people talk with their husbands. But no man answers us the way our inner sassy-ass does. That’s how you can tell if a book is written by a woman: sassy man talk.

    Good luck with Cost Plus. They have great snacks. Oh…wait…

  7. I love Pier 1! The one near me just shut down though…it’s the candles that get me, and the odd things that you’d never buy but are fun to look at. My brain is working overtime too. The first week of school is HARD. Only my 3am conversations aren’t nearly as funny as yours – thanks for the laugh!

    • The benefit of talking too much all the time is that no one gets to tell me anything, but let ’em try to say that Pier 1 is a force of goodness in the world. I dare anyone to!

  8. Pingback: Who Wants To Be My Preschool Mom Pacer? | Outlaw Mama

  9. Pingback: Consider Pier 1 For Your Next Good Cry | Outlaw Mama

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