Dreams Deferred

I’ve got dreams.  They don’t include the corner office or being famous or winning the lottery.

But they are dreams still.

I dream of sleeping all the way through the night until at least 8:00 AM.  I dream of waking up rested and pain-free, including that horrible ache in my sacrum that is my daily companion.

I want to leave lipstick or gum lying around without worrying that both will end up on the carpet, the walls, or someone’s hair.

I dream of tossing my purse on the floor without a care in the world that someone will find my pen and stab me with it or ruin my new bedspread.

God.  To be able to pick out a nail polish color without hating it once it’s painted on my nails and totally envying everyone else’s nail colors, especially whoever sat next to me and picked the most on-trend-but-still-classic color.

And to order in a restaurant without regretting my choice for the next half week? What does that even feel like?  I perseverate during those agonizing pre-order moments and then something insane comes out of my mouth when the waiter comes: “How about the tofu pot pie with chesnuts?”  That. I want those moments to not happen.

Who am I even kidding? I barely ever go to restaurants, but someday it won’t be a newsworthy event when I do, and I will order something magical and delicious and I won’t spend a red hot second staring at your food wondering why I ordered the most esoteric and unfilling dish on the entire menu.

Someday I’ll learn how to gather, wash, and fold clothes all in the same week.  And maybe even put them away within the same calendar month.  I’ve heard it happens.  Never seen it myself.

And on that same week, maybe I will figure out how to cram all of the following into my son’s 2-hour nap time: write a blog post and at least 1000 words in novel, get eye brows waxed, call old friend I miss and adore, schedule dentist appointment, read my email, prepare my mise en place for dinner, and get in a run. Or maybe I’ll stop trying to cram so much into such tiny spaces.

I dream of opening the mail– not hiding it on the stairs for Jeff to handle.

I dream of always knowing what to wear and how to wear it.

And– of always (or even sometimes) knowing where the hell I put my sunglasses, that coupon I was going to use, or the recipe I tore out of Cooking Light at the doctor’s office.


Langston Hughes: an inspiration for this post (image credit: http://www.greengoddess-vidaverde.com)

Langston Hughes: the inspiration for this post (image credit: http://www.greengoddess-vidaverde.com)

I’ve got big dreams made of tiny moments and imperceptible gestures and domestic tasks and commonplace situations.   They seem as far away as the Big Stuff I used to dream of, these dreams of mine, deferred for now.  But someday.



36 thoughts on “Dreams Deferred

    • I have been brainwashed by those studies of people who win the lottery and end up more miserable than before after a year. IN fact, they say they are more miserable one year later than individuals who suffered in horrible accidents. So, I know I don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with the lottery.

  1. You’re the one who tore out that recipe??? I was going to make that someday.

    You’re in great company. And I think you have great fashion sense.

    • Oh, that means so much coming from you! You’re a bit of an icon in my world. I hope you got some fun stuff on your vacation to further inspire me. And yes, I have the apple crumble recipe. I will give it to you when I’m done. But, wait, who am I kidding? I am not baking this……

  2. You managed to make this not only pathetically funny, but also hit lots of nerves that I and others can relate to.
    I resent that I always mimic H2’s order when we infrequently dine at a restaurant. I know that if I don’t, I’ll end up wishing I had what was on his plate.

    • I know! He always orders better. I just don’t have the guts to order meatloaf or steak frites….I get caught between my genuine appetite and being “healthy” or “good.” It drives me nuts. When I am smart I tell him to just order me something.

      • We always order two different things and switch plates half way thru the meal. Except at Lupa where the server savvy to our plan had all the dishes split for us and delivered in perfect mini courses. Sigh.

      • I bet you’re healthy and good at home, so you deserve to splurge on the few occasions you dine out.

  3. I hear you on the menu envy – I have it every time and end up picking off Mike’s plate. And I’m thinking Simon needs longer naps. That or you just have to get faster at every single thing you do. 😉 Here’s to embracing dreams – deferred or expedited!

  4. “Someday I’ll learn how to gather, wash, and fold clothes all in the same week. And maybe even put them away within the same calendar month. I’ve heard it happens. Never seen it myself.” LOL! That’s dreaming the impossible dream for sure. It’s pretty high on my list (after the lottery win).

      • I don’t care, I want to win the lottery. I want to know what it feels like to be debt-free, if only for a short period of time.
        I went through a stage of my life where my New Year’s resolution was to have all three kids’ snowsuits clean at the same time. Eventually I did, when they quit wearing them. Dreams change. Life changes. We change.

      • Funny about the snowsuits. Damn cold weather. If you lived in Arizona, you wouldn’t have had to dream that! And I wish for you to win the lottery too. You deserve it. (The good parts not the downside, if that even exists.)

  5. Prepare your mise en place for dinner? Lol
    That doesn’t sound like you at all.
    (I’ve discovered the joys of slowcooking recently– it saves my butt for supper when I’m too busy with Munchkin.)

    I don’t use nail polish but I do the same thing with lipstick. I’m totally makeup challenged!

  6. Okay… I’m 50 so I know a few things about things. Add markers and crayons to the things not to leave around ’cause they end up on walls. Sunglasses are usually on the head. You may never sleep through the night but you will feel more rested somehow. Laundry, if you hate it like me, stays the same but less. I copy polish color ALL the time. And food choices of my friends with great taste. There’s more and your wants and dreams are so valid. And someday WILL come….with its own set if challenges. Great reading! I’m going to try for your 1000 wpd towards a novel as well!

  7. Yes… to toss a purse on the floor/couch without a worry! Or leave a remote control within tot-reach and have it still in one piece with BOTH batteries when you reach for it next! Or leave that basket of clean, dried and folded laundry on the floor and come back later to find it NOT torn apart, full of “sticky pink/blue substance”. Sigh.

  8. I agree on the lottery phobia, I’m so freaked out by the horrible luck that becomes anyone that wins that I’ve never actually bought a ticket! Instead I cross my fingers for a huge windfall coming from some far away deceased rich great-great-great aunt or uncle. Here’s hoping!

  9. I happen to be the mail opener in our house, but otherwise you’ve got me pegged. If I ever left my purse on the floor I would regret it in ways I don’t even know about. What to wear and how to wear it – that, THAT, is the dream I hold so dearly. Please just give me that knowledge. I’m begging.

  10. Amen, Sister! The school year has started, which is why I have fallen off the face of the earth. I feel your pain, my friend. This is exactly the reason I am considering hiring a part-time (approx. 10 hours/week) personal assistant. I can’t get it all done myself.

  11. If i did not take the advice larry mader gave me i would not have a been rich, I recently saw a testimony on the internet from a comment that was made by larry mader about how dr. soula the lottery spell caster make him win the lottery so i decide to contact the dr myself so that i can also be a winner in the lottery so as to help my poor family. Believe me that dr. Soula gave me the lottery number i am to play the lottery with and i did and my name was listed amount the winners i am so grateful for what dr. soula did for me now my family is always happy and we are living fine the email to reach this man again is drsoula_b@live.com. You have to contact this man fast cause he has no much time to spend on the internet

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