I am by no means a Whole Foods hater. I don’t always feel comfortable or “in my element” there, but I recognize there is some mighty tasty food there. In fact the one nearest my house is as big as the Millenium Falcon, complete with a bath crystals bar, a spice bar, an amazing fish counter, and a coffee bar where “local talent” plays to crowds of people eating behind lap top screens.
They also have a half-acre salad bar. Anything I can conjure up to eat, I can find in this section. And this is the section that is my undoing. How I could take the most delicious array of healthy food and make something gross (and expensive) to cart away in my brown recyclable container is beyond me. But I do.
It starts out innocently: I see the kale-avocado salad in the prepared section, so I spoon a bit of it in my brown container made of recycled paper. “Kale is good for you, and I’m not going to cook so better get it here.” As I make my way down the bar, that “I won’t make it at home” logic spawns a box of food as diverse as Shoyu tofu, lentil-apricot salad, pulled smoked turkey, and marinated mushrooms. Individually, I am sure each one of these tastes delicious. In the melange I concoct? The word that comes to mind is “inedible”.
Yesterday was no different. I saw the gorgeous vegan seaweed salad. Then, I saw the tofu scramble, followed by maple-glazed carrots, and quinoa with pearl onions and raisins. I couldn’t help myself. I got extra-screwed because they had the Sunday brunch menu out– so I added some berry-stuffed French toast and cheddar biscuits. My new idea was to pick a salad dressing that would “pull it altogether.” Show of hands who thinks that salad dressing exists? Maybe if I had gone a little easier on the jicama or had a few less roasted garlic cloves.
Maybe. But I doubt it.
Now, it’s like a challenge. Can I edit my choices like they always tell hideously dressed people on What Not To Wear? What Whole Foods needs to add is the foodie version of those guys from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy standing at the end of the salad bar to caution those of us who are “over zealous” about adding food to our container.
There must be a way to do this without abandoning the salad bar and opting for the delicious chicken tacos (like my family does).
I gave up on Netflix, and in the anger stage of my break-up with Ann Taylor Loft, but Whole Foods? I am going to stick it out. I am going to find way to sup from its sumptuous salad bar without making a mockery of its choices. And when I do, you better believe I am going to be all over Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and this blog.
So, stay tuned and give me any tips you have about navigating those rows of silver trays teeming with deliciousness that I cannot resist.