Last night, I was bone-ass tired in the way I get when Jeff’s out of town and my kids have had too much sugar. So naturally, instead of going to bed, I tried to get in touch with my spirit animal. Only problem? I am not sure which animal is my spirit animal.
All summer, I obsessed over my spirit animal. Having never been much of an animal lover (more of an “animal tolerate-r”), I thought getting in touch with my spirit animal might make me more gentle or spiritual or in tune with nature. Maybe I would be less of a shrew to my kids, since they act like animals most of the time.
Plus, it might help me become more vegan if I could connect with the right animal.
I took a few on-line quizzes that purported to identify my spirit animal. One of them said my animal was the hawk, which I rejected because hawks are too aggressive. (See war hawk; I am more of a dove, and I would consider the phoenix for the symbolic potential, but no hawks.) Also, I think hawks look like buzzards.
I knew I needed more cuddle potential out of my animal.
Another quiz said my animal was a wood cock. Seriously. I am supposed to connect with a wood cock? For obvious reasons, I went back to the drawing board after that quiz. (Can you picture me ambling into a Cracker Barrel perusing the gift shop for a statuesque wood cock? I bet the only place I can find a statue of a wood cock (which looks like a stupid little duck (see why animals love me?)) is at an adult bookstore in downtown Detroit.)
Wood cock was out.
Prior to taking the quizzes, I rejected the following animals based on a simple distaste and/or disdain for them:
- Starfish (not sure that’s really an animal)
- Hyena (though this one probably belongs on my short list judging by my laughter)
- Beaver (we’re just not going there)
Here’s the runners-up list:
- Hippo (because big mouth)
- Domesticated pot belly big (because how cute?)
- Sheep (I read they have no teeth and that sounded cool, plus I like wool)
- Camel (hydration is a challenge for me)
- Flamingo (because pink and skinny legs)
But, it came to me the other day at a make-shift petting zoo in downtown Chicago. I locked eyes with an animal forced to stand in a 4 ft x 4 ft pen so that little city children could feed her pellets of food. We had a connection– I looked into her eyes as I was dousing myself with hand sanitizer– and it was clear.
My spirit animal is the Llama.
Llamas are very social creatures that are also very intelligent. (Hello? Chuck Woolery, we have a connection!) They are great pack animals and stick together in herds. And those eyelashes. Are you kidding me? I can’t believe I missed it all these years of reading those Llama Llama books with my children.
This is the first step of my spiritual enlightenment. I feel really good about connecting with the animal kingdom through the llama. So please don’t offer me any llama burgers or llama-fajitas, because I am not eating my spirit animal.
Have you spent valuable time and resources discovering your spirit animal? Is your animal memorialized as a figurine in Cracker Barrel’s holiday collection?