Time To Get A New Coping Strategy

It’s hard to walk in my front door because packages are strewn all over our entryway (which, incidentally, is a nice justification for a mudroom).  Anyway, half of the packages are holiday-related gifts from our family out of town.

The other half?

Welcome to my not-successful coping strategy:

Because brownies are too fattening and porn is too embarassing.

Because brownies are too fattening and porn is too embarrassing.

It started Friday night, when everyone was asleep, and I was terrified that I would get sucked into the news.  I never turned on the TV, but horrible news and images were just a click away as I worked on-line.

I said to myself, “you can look at anything in the world on-line right now– baby chimps, gay porn, Cher music videos– but stay away from the news.” (I imposed this because I have a tendency toward the morbid and have a long history of ingesting tragedy to the point that I make myself sick.)

Do you think I sought out cute animals sneezing or nuzzling their furry mamas?

Do you think I checked out porn that would make even the depraved Twittersphere blush?

No and No.

I got myself busy and distracted on Zappos (which is a kind of porn, amiright?).

People, I don’t need anything, much less another damn pair of shoes. I’ll have you know that I bought a perfectly good (rubber) pair of cowboy boots and faux suede booties at Target just last month.  I probably didn’t need either of those, but their combined price was less than $40.00 and hey, I was worth it.

So, explain to me why I just ordered a pair of Frye boots from Zappos?  WTF.  I don’t actually believe in spending over $210.00 for boots– not saying it’s wrong, just saying I never have and don’t think it’s necessary for me.

For those of you who don’t live in Colorado or know what Frye boots are, they are boots that start at about $300 and go up from there.  They are seductive in that they come in a dozen shades of distressed, Indiana Jones-looking leather and they are a shoe that should be worn by a total bad ass.

Which is precisely why I will be returning them without opening them. I don’t even want to see my clumsy ass legs stuck into them.  It was an impulse purchase of the highest order.  I bought them to make it all seem less scary.  “Hey, if I get these boots nothing bad could be happening anywhere because, did you see my new boots?”  The logic makes as much sense as eating Little Debbie brownies right before a Weight Watchers weigh-in, and frankly, I’ve done that too.

The boots won’t make me safer or even cooler. (There’s something infinitely more hip about wearing rubber boots from the Target clearance aisle.)  It was a strategy to get through a scary, lonely night.  I guess it worked– I made it through the night without reading a single headline.  But now I have to schlep that giant box to the post office, which is a huge pain in the ass.

And the world is the same place it was Friday night.

What have you tried? Is it working?



48 thoughts on “Time To Get A New Coping Strategy

  1. The line about ingesting tragedy until it makes you sick really stuck out to me. I tend to do that as well. I have tried very hard not to do that with this story, but it is still hard. I am a stress eater and the pan of brownies in my kitchen that is down to crumbs tells it all.-Ashley

      • I also have this problem. It took serious self-control to not read anything about how a little girl in a nearby community died. She was abducted and murdered and I didn’t need to know anything else. Unfortunately I saw a headline that told me more than I wanted to know. I almost cancelled our newspaper subscription that day, because like you said it is just not healthy. I have resorted to both the brownies and the porn…in addition to retail therapy. I’m not very good at handling strong emotions. Obviously.

  2. I have avoided as much detail of the tragedy as possible. It’s too much to process. I commend your return. I would keep them and live with the shame of my purchase. I made an extravagant winter boot purchase last week which better live up to the multi-year quality assured so I can amortize the purchase over the next 3-4 years of beautiful all-weather boot wearing.

    Two points ob which I’d luke to disagree…I think you are a badass in any footwear and your legs are anything but clumsy.

  3. I saw a great article that was about Mister Rogers of all people. Of course, from a long time ago. And he said that when scary shit ( okay didnt use the word shit ) happened to him when he was a child, his mother told him to ” look for the helpers”. She told him that you can always see the good in humanity after a tragedy by looking at all of the people helping. That and I live about 6 hours either direction from nowhere. But still they have guns in Colorado and it is terrifying; since we also legalized marijuana. Yes guns and pot, what a great combo.

  4. Tequila used to be my coping mechanism because mmmmm giddy. Bad stuff gone. Mmmmm giddier. Bed. That kinda stopped working for me when I kept missing the bed, winding up half off or totally on the floor, so…yeah. I haven’t found the next helper though Zappos sure does ship quickly…

  5. I do the “news until I’m sick” thing too, so I’ve tried to avoid it completely. So what have I done instead? Lots of laundry, grocery shopping I probably didn’t need to do quite so early in the week, organized my kitchen, vacuumed every inch of my house, watched a Gilmore Girls marathon, and at a low point last night, I ate about a dozen oatmeal cookies left over from my Chanukah party last week. I may feel a little sick right now, but I’m almost sure it’s from the cookies and not from images that I can’t seem to erase from my brain.

  6. Not much is working. I’m this close to purchasing a $400 bulletproof backpack, hoping for reassurance in a world gone mad. But that would be trading one beast for another because every time I’d look at it, I’d think of the awful.

    Frye boots – now that’s not a bad choice if splurging helps. I’ve drooled over the pictures, but I have absolutely no practical reason to purchase them.

    Thus far what seems to help, if just a little, is indulging my preschooler more. Extra giggles, extra hugs, extra stories, extra Krispy kreme (ok, that was MY idea).

    Thank you for your posts these past few days. They have been hopeful and helpful.

  7. I need a support group to avoid ingesting bad news – know any? I think shopping is as good a distraction as any (and had I thought of it, I would have joined you on Zappos), but I’m guessing we’re more in need of a hug. And a cry. And a loving mom. (Yikes … did I just say that?).

  8. this distraction is something i could get into. love zappos! have been hitting the ice cream hard. sometimes 2x a day!! i have to say – it’s a bad bad thing, that i love love love. it’s the little things that keep me happy.

  9. Mindless eating is my go-to. So I am trying mindful eating, but allowing myself to eat what I want. It’s not perfect (World Market a dangerous place in this frame of mind) but it’s better. And I cry a lot.

  10. I made fudge. The candy kind of fudge (not poop, though I am regular right now, so I guess I made that, too).

    I don’t eat fudge, but my hubby does. I think I’m subconsciously trying to sabotage him because he only weighs one more pound than I do and I can’t let him weigh less than me! So not fair the way men lose weight…

    It didn’t work all that well because, hello, he was gone all weekend and every night this week (so far). But I haven’t eaten the fudge. The brown sugar candy? Yeah, way too much of that.

    And I wrote. Friday, twice on Monday, Tuesday, and today. Writing more hope than I might be feeling, but writing hope nonetheless.

    That and working and taking care of four kids. Laundry, cooking, and cleaning, too. Not much time in my regular life for more than that.

    We’re preparing for a blizzard, too. Not much prep other than confirming that we have two freezers full of food and gas for the generator in case it’s needed. Waiting for the first snowflake.

    And now I’ve made a whole post in your comments. I hope some of it is entertaining and that I don’t come across as the weird lady who hangs posters of cats on her cubicle wall…

  11. I’m sort of veering wildly between hiding from the news/staying off of social media to writing to my Congresspeople and Senators/signing up for all sorts of action committees – sort of the perfect storm of impotent action.

  12. I do this. But, I’ve learned to make myself put everything I want in the virtual shopping cart and then hold off until the next day to purchase. Probably 90% of the time, I just delete the order the next day. That strategy has worked wonders for my bank account!

  13. Am I too late to say keep the friggin’ boots? For heaven sake keep the boots. You’re worth it. We’re all worth it for pushing through this last hellish week. I ingested it all. I can’t help it. I signed every petition for gun control, called my do-nothing congressmen, and sent letters. I also ordered a case of my favorite cookies and I have no intention of sending them back. Then I thought I’d visit you. When I clicked on your site the ad that showed up was one for Brain Training Games – and I thought – of course, smart cookies – it realizes I’m a brainiac for stopping by to read your quality blog posts. And I am. And they are – top quality.

    • Oh, I have heard that is painful. When I was having lower back issues, I was astounded at how expensive a shoe that was well made and good for my body would cost. I did fall in love with and purchase a pair of FLY London sandals that I will wear until they fall apart, which looks like may not happen until 2019.

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