Time For Make-Up Sex With Ann Taylor Loft

The morning of the interview I panicked.  I couldn’t find my black suit.  My lucky black suit– the one I wore to argue before the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals.

Wait.

I lost that argument.  Screw that suit.  I guess it was a good thing I accidentally gave it away during a spring cleaning binge.

So, I wore the gray one.  The gray one’s kind of lucky too, I guess. The last job interview I had I wore the gray one, and I got the job, which only lasted about eight months, but still. It’s lucky to get a job.  But also, I once got dumped wearing the gray suit– I’m pretty sure he was gay and it was nothing personal, but you can’t have a suit that you got dumped in be your lucky suit.

So last week, in my lucky gray suit, I sat nervously wondering if all the legal knowledge I once had at my fingertips was still rattling around my cerebellum like a trapped and aging squirrel.  I stayed up way too late the night before preparing for the interview by reading legal-y things and asking myself interview questions.

Me to myself: “Why should I hire you?”

Myself to me: “I am very punctual, and I was kind of a big deal at law school.”

Me to myself: “I see you graduated a decade ago. What have you done since then?”

Myself to me: “I have held down a few jobs.  I currently do arbitrations between my 3-year old and my 22-month old on a thrice-daily basis. Heady business, my life.”

Me to myself: “Why aren’t you wearing a traditional black suit?”

Myself to me: “I find black suits to be harsh.  Plus, it makes me look washed out, because I am a winter.”

I was acing my practice interview.

On the elevator ride up, I did what I always do: braced myself for disappointment.  If I don’t get the job, then it’s more time to write and be with the kids. 

You can imagine my surprise when I left the interview 2 hours later with a job offer.  When she said, “it’s yours if you want it,” I said, “I want it.” Then we stared at each other with that awkward “what’s next?” energy between us.

Not until I reached the elevator did I realize what had just happened: I got a job.  A real JAY-OH-BEE.  Holy W-2 forms.  Without cell reception, I was forced to entertain myself on the elevator ride down with my own thoughts.  The horror.

My first thought? Crap. Do I have to change the name of my blog because I just took a law job? BackinLaw Mama? In and out of Law Mama?

My second one? Maybe it’ll be good to change the name. I’ve got a great name for a blog: Please Butter My Biscuits. Does that sound too sexual? Too starchy?

My third one? Man, I’m hungry.

My fourth one? I have to pee so bad. Why didn’t I go before I left?

My fifth one? DO NOT think about missing your kids. It’s only 20 hours a week. DO NOT GO TO THE BAD MOTHER STATION.  TURN AROUND. GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT.

My seventh one? New job means NEW WARDROBE.

And that’s how I ended up having make-up sex with Ann Taylor Loft last week, which was awesome timing with the 50% off everything sales running for the holidays.   She was cold at first– still upset about our break up— but she forgave me quicker than Taylor Swift finds new boyfriends.

So we are definitely back together, and I already bought a new black suit.  It’s my new lucky suit.

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92 thoughts on “Time For Make-Up Sex With Ann Taylor Loft

  1. I love my 20 hour a week job. Just enough time with adults to restore my sanity and plenty of time to go to Target during the day without a zillion people around…I mean, take my daughter to the museum…

    Congratulations!

      • When my son was born I was ready to go back to work when he was about a month old. I didn’t want to be away from him, but I felt myself losing the desire to do anything because it didn’t matter if I did it today or next week. With both of my kids I ended up waiting until they were about two months old before going back. By the time my daughter was born I was at a great job with a boss who insisted I bring her to work with me, which I did for about 8 months. When my other boss was in the office I never saw my daughter. She was always asleep on his shoulder.

        My mother became a stay at home mom once I was born, but moms have more options now and staying home wasn’t for me. My kids are happier because I’m happier. I have A LOT of flexibility in my job and am grateful for it. I know how lucky I am. I hope you enjoy your job just as much.

      • Look for Lutheran preschools in your area. The preschool my daughter attends also has child care and their flexibility is insane. Other religious organizations may do the same. We just happened to hear about this one from a cashier at the grocery.

  2. I hope you will find 20 hrs to be perfect! I thought it was just the right balance of work & kids for me.

    I’m a “winter” too. I wear lucky black all the time. It goes well with a perm and plenty of blush if you ask my mother. I’m sure that luck suit will bring you and Ann much closer.

  3. Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you!
    I absolutely love working a few hours a week and I hope you do too.

    Also, I think my favorite part of your writing is always in the details. For example the conversation you had with yourself for your fake interview? Me to myself/ myself to me totally cracked me up. Plus the matter of fact way you said that you are a winter got a chuckle out of me. 🙂

    You rock! Congrats on the new job and the Ann Taylor bootie call!

  4. May I tell you how jealous I am of your new 20-hour job? I need one of those. Neeeed.
    Congrats! May you be very happy in your new clothes.

    Also? You’re going to love the interview dialogue in my book.

  5. I’ll be job-seeking this new year too, but I don’t have the skills that require a black suit :o)
    Congratulations!

  6. Congrats on the new job! I have an on-again/off-again relationship with the Loft. Sometimes she just doesn’t want me to look good, you know? She tries to convince me to look like an octogenarian. I think she’s jealous of my marriage, really.

  7. Dude! Congratulations in the job! What a way to start a new year off right. You are not allowed to beat yourself up about anything: you deserve this. Happy new year!!

  8. Congratulations! You will be so happy once you get your new routine down. You will enjoy being away from your kids AND you will enjoy missing them for those 20 hours each week. I love your Color Me Beautiful reference, by the way. All good southern women know their season. My mother had our colors done when we were pre-pubescent.

  9. Congrats! I also work a 20 hr week and try not to think, “bad mom”. So….you can do it! And drats…I saw The zloft sale, got super excited, and then remembered I’m pregnant. Boo. No Loft for me.

  10. Of COURSE you got the job!!! You are incredible!

    Are you really going to rename your blog?

    There’s nothing better than make-up sex with Ann Taylor Loft. That is except Hello sex with Jimmy Choo.

  11. Sex and Loft in the same post – genius! And you look great in black, silly! Congrats on going toward the light and on all your exciting, upcoming plans! I agree on no name change – you are Outlaw Mama no matter what.

  12. “Plus, it makes me look washed out, because I am a winter.” This brought tears of laughter to my eyes. My mother’s second religion after Christianity is Colour Me Beautiful, and she will never hesitate to tell someone he or she looks awful…”but don’t worry. It’s just that orange isn’t your colour. You’re a winter and winters can’t wear orange.”

    Congratulations on the job! 20 hours a week is just perfect.

  13. There should be no “bad mom” about working. I took 4 months off after both pregnancies and have always worked. I always thought that I was a better mom because I was happy working and brought that home to the kids. The key is quality time (even if it is just running errands with one child and having time to talk) and being involved with your kids when you are with them. Things may get crazy, but it is worth it.

  14. Congratulations on the job! I have the same worries…wondering if my brain’s been petrified…I’ve been away from teaching for four and a half years now. I’m a few years from going back…I’ll worry about it then. Anyway….KUDOS to you! And how exciting to wear nice clothes that don’t have mysterious stains from children. I’ve forgotten what that’s like.

  15. Not surprised that you got the job so easily. You’re the real deal as a lawyer and as a writer. Oh and as a mom. Can’t forget that now can we. But it’ll be healthy to forget for about 20 hours a week. You’ll be a better mom for it. CONGRATS my friend!

  16. I’m six parts congratulatory, eight parts envious, two parts “Hmmmm, I haven’t been to LOFT in a long time, and most parts YAY for you! Can’t wait to hear the adventures of the IN-LAW Outlaw Mama.

  17. Congratulations on your new job! What an exciting way to start the new year!
    Plus I always love a good “we just got back together” story.

  18. Isn’t it sad how sometimes a favorite garment nevertheless ends up in the “unlucky” bucket? I had to get rid of a favorite dress once for just this reason. It didn’t flatter me enough to put up with the curses it inflicted on me every time I wore it! CONGRATS on the new gig! And stay outlaw, I say.

  19. Pingback: Am I The Office D-Bag? | Outlaw Mama

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