I Love My Sports Bras Because They Turn Two Breasts Into One

My "lingerie" drawer

My “lingerie” drawer

Dear Sports Bras,

It’s February, the month of love! And who or what do I love more than ya’ll?  I can’t believe all we’ve been through together in the four plus years we’ve been inseparable.  I recently heard a joke about sports bras– that they are perfect for women who think two boobs are one too many.

But, I’ve loved and appreciated that you took my overwhelming, milk-filled and milk-splattered breasts and efficiently mushed them together and smashed them down.  To love you is to love that experience– the smooshing, melding, and conjoining of my two breasts into one.

It started when I got pregnant with Sadie back in 2008 and my breasts swelled seemingly overnight.  Why buy a bunch of expensive two-cup real bras (“TCRB”), when I could swing by the “active wear” aisle in Target and scoop up some Champion racer backs?

Like any addiction, I found a way to be with you even when I should be spending time with my TCRBs.  But I was always drawn to you and the one-boobness you offered me.  I pushed it too far when I wore you with a formal gown at a wedding.  You must know how hard it is to hide your straps in a sleeveless dress, but a few safety pins and the sheer force of my blind love made it possible for us to dance together that night in the ballroom around all those other women wearing TCRBs.  You and I both know that the chicken dance was made for a sports bra–all that shimmying up and down– wedding dancing demands support.  It demands a sports bra.

I deeply love you for all of it– for being comfortable enough to sleep in, cool enough to wear in triple digit heat, and cheap enough to buy in bulk. You are easy to pack and I can throw you in the dryer.  I know I am not supposed to have favorites, but Sports Bras, you are my favorite undergarment.  Please don’t tell the socks or the thongs.  But hell, they probably know since I give you extra Christmas candy and leave your drawer open at night so you can breathe.

You are one of the great loves of my life.  Seriously, you are up there with chocolate, just below my children and Costco.

Here’s to many more happy years for us– me, my mono-boob, and you guys.

Love and gratitude,

Outlaw Mama


30 thoughts on “I Love My Sports Bras Because They Turn Two Breasts Into One

  1. Sports bra with a little black dress? Who knew? I think you’re on to something here! I’m off to try on my sports bra with my dress for this weekend! Thanking you in advance …

  2. You’re hilarious. I have very weird boob issues due to having had a reduction. So I always, ALWAYS wear an underwire out of the house, but I have around the house bras I love. They’re stretchy and they hold things in place enough, but without being uncomfortable. The second I get home and know I’m staying in, I change into comfy clothes and one of those babies. It’s grand. Like these: http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-661089/bali-2-pk-seamless-microfiber-crop-tops-x1j3.jsp

  3. I often feel like I can relate to you and the things you write about. Here lies the exception. Bras… I am still breastfeeding and now fitting in my 32As. I should probably start reading 12 year old boy blogs. Do 12 year old boys have blogs?

  4. As much as I love boobs and a good boob story, I am SO grateful, I don’t have to deal with them personally.

  5. Loved this! I have not been to a wedding in awhile, but the next time I go to one, I will seriously consider wearing a sports bra. I remember wearing them out to clubs back in the day, when I did a lot of serious dancing. 🙂

  6. There seem to be a lot of small-breasted readers of this one! I am no exception, but I love your letter to your sports bras. It kind of makes me want to try to write a love letter to new undies. I always feel so happy when I’m wearing new undies. 🙂 Thanks for joining Love It Up.

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