I didn’t read mommy blogs when I was a sad single person, but maybe I should have. Maybe I would have come across a rousing pep talk from someone like yours truly.
Maybe someone could have told me something like this:
You know, when you are single you can’t have an uncomplicated relationship to Valentine’s Day. Sorry. You just can’t. You are welcome to decry its rank commercialism and fake sentiment, but you are single so everyone will just think you are bitter. And you will know it’s true. You could go all TAWANDA and book yourself a massage at the Ritz and treat yourself to some top shelf chocolate and a Gilmore Girls marathon– that route will at least afford you some pleasure.
I tried lots of ways to “get through” V-Day when I was sadly single. One year I went to a special yoga class that focused on “heart openers.” What it opened up for me was a big ole stinky can of self-pity which made it hard to grasp the deeper meaning of having an open heart. One year I ran a half marathon because I was “working on myself” and “setting new goals.” In 2007, I got dumped on February 10, so you better believe I booked that massage at the damn Ritz and helped myself to liberal portions of their complimentary strawberries and cheese.
That year was the WORST. Almost everyone I knew was married: my siblings, most of my cousins, my friends in recovery, my college friends, my law school friends. Every damn person had found someone, and I was wandering down Michigan Avenue with a vanilla candle I bought for myself as consolation for the family and home that were still out of reach.
Happy F@cking Valentine’s Day.
It didn’t suck because it was Valentine’s Day– it also was going to suck on February 15, 16, 17, etc. It sucked perpetually because something I wanted was out of reach and I had no clue how to get it. Except, I figured I had to go on dates and those are the ultimate in suckage.
But it changed. In a flash. My life turned on a dime and hopelessly single me found her way to a relationship that led to marriage. I don’t know how it happened, but it did.
I don’t even know you, but I bet it can happen for you too. Why not you? Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t. You think that’s what it means, but you are wrong.
So go out and buy yourself a scented candle and rage against the unfairness of it all. (Because it’s all devastatingly unfair.) And then when you are a happily married mommy blogger with an entirely new set of problems, pass along the secret that love can find its way almost anywhere.
Your job is to stay alive and keep the faith and burn those candles. Oh, and go on the dates. Sorry, no way around that. The rest, however, is up to the mysterious powers of the universe.
Happy Valentine’s Day.