There are so many ways my kids are having a different childhood than I did. I’m not bitter, but I am taking notes. You should too.
Here are the top 5 things my kids do differently than I did:
- Birthday parties: For the love of pinatas filled with crapola, when did birthday parties become such a big damn deal? For 3 year olds, no less? Our big birthday parties were roller skating and that was in third grade. These days we have our weekends booked with birthday parties at the local jump zones where we pick up strep throat germs and bad habits. Also? My kids seem to think it’s cool to spend 11.5 months planning their birthday parties. Literally. Two weeks after a birthday, we start planning the next year’s soiree– Princess cake, Hello Kitty party favors, Spiderman decorations. When did birthdays get the steroid injection?
- Favorite Colors: My kids and their friends are obsessed with their favorite colors. Sadie’s favorites are pink, purple, brown and white. (Brown? Reallly? M’kaaaay. . .) They talk about it All. The. Time. If there is something white in the room, say a table cloth, then it’s Sadie’s because white is one of her favorite colors. Simon loves orange. If we see a pumpkin or some construction cones– well, they are his because ORANGE. We didn’t do that in the good old days.
- Mugging For The Camera: By the time I was 7, there were approximately 67 pictures of me in existence. In most of them I was crying, because I was that kid. We took 108 pictures of both of our kids within their first hours of life. We have more pictures of my breasts in their mouths at the hospital than all the pictures of me and my siblings combined from the years 1973 through 1979. Now of course both of my kids know what to do when someone holds up a phone/camera– smile just long enough so that the picture taker thinks they will have a picture (they won’t) and then dart away like assholes. We knew to stand still until the picture was snapped, because there might not be another one for 3 months.
- Seat belts: I suspect that I might be game for having more children if only we never had to drive anywhere and deal with the damn seat belts. It feels like I spend hours getting those straps just right– not too tight because they will freak out; not too loose because I am afraid they will die. It’s a razor-thin line with those seat belts. We didn’t have to deal with pesky safety issues in the 1970s. I am not sure OSHA even existed. I do know that our diapers were cloth (because I am that old) and they were fastened with safety pins. Big, fat, sharp safety pins that could puncture human skin or skulls. And there was no damn Elmo on my diaper. Oh, the deprivation.
- Clothes: My kids pick out their own clothes. My parents weren’t fanatical about how we dressed, but there were rules of decorum and we followed them. Maybe it helped that we went to Catholic school and always had to wear uniforms. I certainly don’t recall exhibiting the flair for fashion that my kids have. Especially Sadie.
Can you feel me on this?
How about this?
Oh, and this:
For more on how Sadie’s fashion choices make her look
ridiculous creative and stylish, but I grit my teeth and let her out of the house anyway, check out my new post on Mom.me.