Getting My Woo Woo On And Going To A Vision Workshop

I’ve been looking for a silver bullet.  Not a real silver bullet.  Metaphorical, strictly metaphorical.

I want that thing that will make all my dreams come true and fix the noise in my head. Are you familiar with noise? I’m taking about the noise that whisper-shouts You’re not doing it right! You should be doing that other thing!  Cagey bastard that it is, as soon as I pick that other thing it shouts something new, like You took too long get to this! It’s too late!  You’re never gonna get it right!

So I want a silver bullet to make the noise stop.  Here’s what I’ve tried just this year:

  • meditation
  • exercise
  • going to bed earlier
  • abstaining from TV (except Mad Men)
  • cutting out ice cream
  • distracting myself with busy-ness
  • shopping
  • returning the things I bought shopping
  • new hairstyle
  • decluttering
  • going back to work
  • being nicer to my husband
  • eating less animal products
  • washing my hands more often
  • coloring with crayons
  • gratitude lists

So far none of those have “worked” to my satisfaction, though I could certainly pursue some of them with more commitment. *cough* Meditation *cough*  Certain wise, spiritual leaders have counseled that I accept that the relentless voice is inside me and may be there forever.

I am all about acceptance.  (No I am not.) But before I go and do something certifiable like actually accepting my life (and my brain) exactly as it is, I have one more trick up my sleeve.

Martha Beck on Oprah discussing Vision Boards (image from http://marthabeck.com/2008/07/the-subtle-tricks-to-building-an-effective-vision-board/)

Martha Beck on Oprah discussing Vision Boards (image from http://marthabeck.com/2008/07/the-subtle-tricks-to-building-an-effective-vision-board/)

A vision workshop.  Yessiree, I am going to dip my toe into the woo woo this weekend and attend a vision workshop that is designed to help bring clarity to my vision and move me further from “vision to reality.”  The directions say to bring scissors, glue stick and magazines to make a “vision board.”  Also $25.00 for the cost of the workshop.

It’s the latest incarnation of my silver bullet thinking.  I am not treating this as an exercise as part of a larger mosaic of mindful living or intentionality.  Nope. I want this to be the thing that magically quiets the noise and brings about a lasting peace in my soul about every last thing I do.  For starters, I want this vision to help me understand my confusing relationship to the legal field and why I am so yell-y at the end of the day with my kids.

Oh, I’m going to need a roll of butcher paper to make my vision board because I want it all.

There are tangible things I want to materialize in my life. Like a literary agent who will be New York-y stylish and passionate about my writing.  Or a solution to my fears about commuting next school year and some guarantees around my and Jeff’s work.  And I’m vain, so I want these unfortunate bangs to grow out already.

But there are also immeasurable, internal shifts I would like to see in myself.  Like patience– with myself, my kids, the process of healing my own heart and that of this fractured world.  I can’t picture what I’d cut out of a magazine that would represent how I want to feel inside but it would have to be a picture of something vast, sturdy, expansive and unknown.

What’s the picture that says all this: I want to be more comfortable in this almost 40-year-old skin of mine; I want to let go of seeking every solution under the great blue sky to make Simon sleep past 5:30; I want to read, write, laugh and love more; I want more freedom, self-assurance, and availability to serve others.

I’m going to spend hours some time on Google Images– let me know if you have any tips.

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42 thoughts on “Getting My Woo Woo On And Going To A Vision Workshop

  1. I found the magazines to be helpful. Taking note of what catches your eye. I didn’t end up pasting my stuff on a board. I’m all..where’m I gonna hang that? Who’s gonna ask me shit about it that I’m not prepared to discuss? I ended up snapping pics of my “vision” and I keep it in a special folder on my phone. It’s with me whenever I need a reminder. Oh…that reminds me…I should look at my virtual vision board.

  2. Mama, I hear your pain. And it sounds like you are hearing all the time, but not from outside. Your ears seem to have little or nothing to do with this.

    I’m no expert here, but there are few things with the power to take me out of the present more effectively than my racing brain. And if I’m not present in the moment my life is rolling along without me. What I try to pay most attention to is my feelings. Glad, mad sad afraid. I have come to realize I am feeling all of these all the time and I can actually figure out how much and how string they are, if I ask myself.

    Then I can hear the message each of those is sending me. Glad is about a celebration or gratitude. Mad is about a boundary violation or being ignored. Sad is about a loss and afraid is about the future. I’ll bet doing this will help you find out why you don’t trust yourself to do what you need to do.

    Takes practice, tho.

  3. I absolutely love this idea and for $25 bucks (“and a cracker, do you think it’s enough?” name that tune) I would SO be there. I’ve had a piece of construction paper for my vision board sitting behind my couch since I watched that very episode of Oprah with Martha Beck, but I resist. That’s a different story. You are going to achieve everything on that list or on that board or in your mind, and each adventure on the way is going to make the journey all the better.

  4. i think you’re trying too hard to do everything right. you need to stop doing all those things, and for god’s sakes – no ice cream?? what’s wrong with you, girl!! live, love, laugh, run and write about it.. don’t do it perfect, just do it.

    • I was hoping someone would suggest this. Personally, my stomach clenches thinking about putting together a vision collage. I’ve always gotten nervous with anything that remotely resembles the creation of visual art. I cannot be trusted with glue and scissors. Better you than me.
      That being said, I can totally envision (ha!) that something blogworthy will come out of your attendance. Can’t wait to read about it.

  5. Vision boards are amazing! I think that in the very least you will have a great time at the workshop! It sounds like fun!

    I have two suggestions for you that have worked for me.
    1. Watch the movie The Secret if you haven’t already. If it resonates with you then let me know and I will get you a reading list and more movies to watch that will expand on some of the things they talk about there.
    2. Surround yourself with people who already know how amazing and brilliant and lovely and hilarious and special you are. Because everything you could ever want is already inside of you. YOU just need to see it and man, that is HARD! But getting rid of negative people and being around people you love and trust instead will hopefully help calm that voice in your head which is of course not YOUR voice but the echos of past negative people who have influenced you. Right? Right.

    You’re awesome Christie.

  6. I think “something vast, sturdy, expansive and unknown” sounds like an unclimbed mountain. Or space, although I’m not sure it fits as “sturdy.”

    And we all get yell-y at our kids at the end of the day because they get whiny at the end of the day, and we’re all tired. It’s cause and effect, although maybe we take turns being the cause or the effect!

    Good for you for pursuing this. I, too, anxiously await your blog about your experience!

  7. Have you tried Nutella? Copius amounts of Nutella? Seriously, I hear you. My mind Is constantly cluttered with worry, what ifs and whatever. I hope the poster works. If not, try the Nutella thing. Or weed.

  8. I hope the board works for you. It’s funny how many women I know who have tumultuous relationships with their legal careers. Seems like it can be a tough one to find your zen. If smoking nutella doesn’t work, maybe try smoking the paste.

  9. Shile there are a few tired and true things that have helped stop my “noise,” there is always room for improvement! I can’t wait to hear about your vision workshop!

  10. (This is long, feel free to skip but you seem so open to it.)
    Oh hon. You are on the beginning of the same road I started walking ten years or so ago (about your same age). I read tons of books and found many mentors who helped me.
    I call that voice in my head “My Inner Bitch”. She is not allowed to talk me to me anymore if she’s being mean. Period. If she even opens her mouth to bad mouth me, I send out her out for coffee and tell her not to come back until she can be nice. She seems to have disappeared for the most part these days and only tries to be mean to me just to see if I’m paying attention. I am.
    See, we are all sparks of the Creator so that makes us all little creators. We create our lives. So create what you want to hear from yourself, not from the voices of others. The most important things we hear are what we tell ourselves. Don’t let past voices dictate your life. Whose voice do you hear? I was told, if you wouldn’t say it to the 4 year old of your best friend, don’t say it to yourself! What you want to feel or see starts inside and will spread to your outer world when you become aware of what you are thinking and projecting.
    We are all pieces in the puzzle of humanity and All are important to the whole. Even you! It’s a process full of growth, this life, and you will never be done or finished, so take it one step, one moment at a time and stop expecting yourself to be perfection immediately. It’s not the goal or an outcome we shoot for, it’s the journey and the experience that our soul is interested in.
    I have been a life-long control freak, an organising, bossy person since I was child (a childhood which often sucked). Controlling (or attempting to control) life meant that I could control everything that made me fearful. Right. Mostly I was fearful that people wouldn’t like me. However, it didn’t work. Only working on my own inner processes and finding myself loveable worked in the long run. Then I didn’t have to worry about anyone else loving me if I wasn’t perfect. Because then it didn’t matter what they said about me. One of the best pieces of wisdom I ever heard was, “It’s not my business what you think of me.” Well if that didn’t give me the biggest aha I ever had. Nothing is personal. What they think and say is their business and is not about me, it’s about them. Huh, who knew? It only matters what I think of me. I live with me, not them.
    There are so many helpers out there, all you have to do is ask. It is said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” When I went looking, I found so much help, mostly online. And, don’t forget you have helpers in your Spirit Guides, Angels and more. Ask and be open to what comes, and don’t discount your first thoughts. That’s your intuition and your guidance. Good luck in your workshop this weekend!
    This is one of my favorite stories, you might enjoy the story and maybe see this is where you are headed, The Golden Buddha http://lifeheartandsoulblog.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/the-golden-buddha/
    Much love

    • Well, thank you for being a teacher/helper to me. I am open to hearing this stuff. I’ve always been a seeker and it generally fulfills me to continue seeking, while also acknowledging, in gratitude, what I have that is already abundant and divine. I would never EVER talk to my friends’ children the way I talk to myself. That’s such a good measuring stick– why do I talk to myself like that all day? What a nasty thing to do.

      I am grateful that I am aware that I am the ONLY person who can truly hold me back. Now, to get out of my own way and rethink these horrible habits of self=hate and bad talk to myself.

      I will check out your story now!

  11. OH, my goodness. First, I could have written this. Except the part about vision boards. I’m intrigued. I think the cost of a flight to Chicago to borrow half your roll of paper is probably more cost effective than a workshop.
    Second, you’re going to love my second novel, which has a character metaphorically marionetted by the “you’re doing it wrong” voices in her head. Creepy.
    Third, every time I’ve done hard, hard work to establish priorities, set a plan to actualize dreams, and focus on what I want to do not what I should do, the voices go away. But they are habits and they come back within a week.
    A week? The hard work to silence them for a week takes more than a month.
    What was that thing about accepting the voices? Wait, what was the thing about the vision board? Wait, didn’t you say you had a magic cure-all for Critic Brain? You’d better tell us all on your blog when you find it.

  12. I am sure you have looked into medical reasons but I can tell you that I am a different person when my vitamin B12 and D vitamins are too low. My family can testify that when mama runs out of her meds, no one is happy. Worth trying 🙂

  13. Pingback: Visions, Revisions and The Inscription On My Tombstone | Outlaw Mama

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