Kiss My (Gl)Ass Ceiling

I love you, I love your stories about your kids and your running and your travels and your wisdom– really I do.  But you know what I really want to hear about? Your work.

Yeah, work. Workity work work.  What have you done to earn money? What labor have you performed for no money? What was your first job?

Besides babysitting, which was totally awesome as long as they had sleepy children and a fully-stocked snack pantry, my first job was at a sporting goods store. I was 14.  My parents had to drop me off and pick me up for my 4-hour shifts.  I rocked at cleaning the fixtures and selling Nike football shoes to the senior boys.  I made $4.25/hour.

My second job was at a bakery, where I met a cast of characters who taught me, inter alia, about sex, mixing muffin dough (not a sex joke, but should be), and making the big bucks. ($5.25/hour)

I was a manager at Express in the Post Oak Mall in College Station, Texas.  I had keys.  I sold more skorts than any other sales person in rural central Texas.

Subsequent W-2s reflect that I was a waitress, an administrative assistant (who was bad with email), a paralegal, and a lawyer.

I have a bug up my ass to start a Friday series called Kiss My (Gl)Ass Ceiling with stories about women and work.  Current jobs. Former jobs. Dream jobs.  Job interviews. Leaving jobs, seeking jobs.

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.

But here’s the catch.  There’s actually two catches.

First, I am lazy.  I want to hear your stories. If you want to submit a piece to run here as a part of this series, let me know in the comments or Tweet me (@theoutlawmama).  Hell, you can just send it to my email.  Even if you aren’t a blogger or have never had a job, if you have a story, spill it.  You have thoughts about work right?  You’ve walked to work in your slippers and didn’t notice until your douchiest co-worker pointed it out, right?  You’ve clocked in moments after Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts left your restaurant, which reduced you to hysterical tears in the break room, right?  You’ve eaten hundreds of dollars of snacks while your minor charges jumped off the ottoman with knives while playing NINJAs, right?

No? Well, maybe you have a story about work– say, what the breast pump room looks like– and you want to share it, I will check the super busy queue and publish you as time permits.

Second, you’ve already heard all my stories.  Most of them are alluded to in the previous long paragraph.  Here are the in-depth posts about my workaday worlds of yesteryear:

This new series may be a terrible idea. If so, it won’t be my first bomb. I tried to invent a Netflix-type system for bras, so you can see that ideas just keep coming to me and they can’t all be winners.

What do you think? Let’s Rosie The Riveter the shit out of this.  If you want to guest blog, bring it.

PS: If you never hear about this again, you will know I got something like zero positive response. (*Pats back for being brave*)

Sample work posts I adore:


61 thoughts on “Kiss My (Gl)Ass Ceiling

  1. I’m interested. On vacation for two weeks (shhhh don’t tell anyone I’m online). Lots of love. El

  2. I love that you are starting a series! I’ve had an idea for “things I can’t say on my own blog” for bloggers to post whatever outrageous stuff they want on my blog since I have no filters. Thanks you so much for the shout out! I’m sure I have stories about corn detassling (yes, it’s a thing for preteens to do in the midwest) that I can pull out for this. Are there more parameters? Or would that kind of stomp on your whole “Let’s put on a play!” buzz? xoxox, Cindy

  3. I so love this, I can’t even tell you. That post you linked to up there isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. I love hearing about how long we’ve all been working, the kinds of jobs we’ve done, the experiences that volunteer work gave us, the opportunities of an internship in a completely new field (hello, that’s how I got on Mommyish), how the ways our kids are the best and worst bosses we’ve ever had. I am SO so so in love with this idea. Let me know how I can help. I’m in!!

  4. Ooh, I have some good Ad Agency stories from the 90s. The people aren’t as attractive as on Mad Men, but the alcohol & smoke-filled stories are just as sleazy/wacky.

  5. Thanks for the shout-out! I can definitely come up with something else. Like maybe the time I had a post-law school mid-recession job where we basically weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom. Or the one where I was pretty much a secretary with a law degree. So much economic crisis fodder over here. Count me in.

  6. Great idea! I’d love to contribute. Maybe one about my boss who confessed to me she tried to euthanize her mom with a drug overdose? I didn’t want to lose my job so I told her I thought it was a fine thing to do. Ok, forget that one. I’ll come up with something. Now, did this great idea come from running with or without music?

  7. I’ve worked a lot of places for free and otherwise. I’m not sure any of them are story-worthy, but they are weird–vet tech, volunteer emergency response, science museum volunteer, computer lab tech, etc. and art/writing freelancer. I never babysat–other than my own kids. Snack pantry or no. 😀

  8. I thought I had a story, but I see by the link that Stephanie Saye already told it, except she had a more mature response and better outcome than I did! When I was a teenager, I worked seasonally for a potato farmer, weeding fields in summer (yes, we did it by hand back then, before they just sprayed all the weeds!) and doing the backbreaking work on the harvester in thd fall. One time when I was applying for Employment Insurance, the employment person looked at my resume and got all excited when she saw “field worker” because she thought I’d been a social worker or something. Which TOTALLY did not fit with the rest of my resume, but that was her world, I guess. Did you know sometimes when you think you’re grabbing a chunk of dirt off the potato harvester line, it turns out to be a mouse?

  9. I think this is a fantastic idea! I can’t tell my BEST stories because they come from practicing medicine (damn you HIPAA and medical ethics!), but my first job was when I was in high school. I taught aerobics and also cold called people from the phone book to tell them they’d won a free week membership. Yes, it went over about as well as you respect. We had to get a certain number of people to come into the club each week for a membership sales speach or we got in trouble. I can still recite the way we had to answer the telephone (and it was a long deal) all these 28 years later. –Lisa

    • As for HIPPAA, can you change the names and tell us about the people who came in with farm animals in their genitals? Wait. Is that wrong? What kind of medicine did you practice?

  10. Work. The final frontier. Great idea & I want to play! Babysitter, waitress everywhere from dive bar to upscale French, counter girl in a 24 hour convenience store, temp temp temp, indexer (yes, the person who makes the index), teach teach teach (old people, young people, inbetween people, corporate people, non-English speaking people, you name ’em, I’ve probably taught them)…Lady, I got stories. Some of which could get me drummed out of the country (I probably won’t tell those).

  11. I have a long history of jobs that taught me the importance of staying in college that I would love to share! The bakery, temp agency and the one day of warehouse work that felt like a Punk’d episode! Let me know if you need a piece from me 🙂

  12. crap. that whole part of my life is buried under mounds of laundry, knocked out of my brain by fly balls, driven away by carpooling and has gone up in smoke along with my burnt class cupcakes. if i unearth anything resembling adult work, i would be honored to share it with you.

  13. In a bazaar twist of fate I am actually working on a work post right now. I’m going to post it on my blog. But I like this idea and I have A LOT of material that I never post on my blog because people from work read my blog… Maybe I could submit something anonymously sometime?

  14. Ooh… Old jobs, eh? Well, I’ve done a lot (and I mean A LOT) of customer service work. There’s never a shortage on the interesting there… Worked at Burger King when I was 16-18 and had the most fun EVER hanging out with the 60+ crowd opening that place. A lot of Minit Mart work… K-Mart for half a minute… I’ve been a chef for about 6 years. (That’s always interesting. It’s amazing seeing what people are willing to put in their mouths… Nothing like the movie ‘Waiting’ though. Thank gawd!) Video store manager… Mom… etc.

    I think you may have a wonderful idea going here! Let’s do this, lady! I’d be more than willing to bare my working-class soul for you! And possibly expose some of the random stupidity in the world. Because, let’s be honest… What’s better than dumbassery in its’ natural habitat? Almost nothing…

  15. I’ll come up with something for you . . . it will either involve praying desperately to win the PowerBall so I never (EVER) have to (FREAKING) work again or reminiscing about my cute outfit when I worked as a Texette at Cowboys games.

  16. Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i
    own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam responses?
    If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.

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