Before I returned to work in February, I considered every angle. Childcare costs. Commuting. My time away. The stress of long days in the office. I mentally and emotionally prepared for stepping back into the work stream, after sitting two years out on the banks of mostly full-time motherhood.
The transition was as I expected. Rocky waters on some days and smooth gliding on others.
What I hadn’t recalled– until I was a good month into the new job– was all the worry that happens about work when I am back at home.
How could I have forgotten about that?
I guess it was like some of those unpleasant aspects of parenting a newborn; you just forget until you are already holding your second or subsequent child. By then it’s too late, you’ve got a 2- week old baby and you just then remembered what it was like to function with sore nipples and no sleep.
Anyone else return to work and struggle with reading your kids a bedtime story, but stressing about work in the back of your mind? I hate that. I need a solution or a way to turn off that part of my brain.
For a fuller discussion of this phenomenon, click here for my latest Mom.me post.
Now that I think about it, if I was truly being honest, my brain can always find something to worry about– job or no job. But it feels so disheartening to be missing my now less-frequent moments with my kids because I can’t mentally step away from a work project.
So for all of us who mother– and aunt, and grandmother, and godmother– bless us, bless our worrying minds, and let us connect with each other so we can have some moments with our kids that aren’t marred by and weighted with worry. Or if they are, maybe I can just accept that and enjoy the moments in all their stressful imperfection.