No Grocery Shopping Til We Move…In Three Weeks

“Oh yes, we will eat all of the food in this house before we move.”

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That’s the new catch phrase at my house.  Some families have headier missions, like reducing its carbon footprint or saying the rosary every night.  Others skew more towards entertainment and have catch phrases like Bingeing on Scooby Doo One Episode at a Time  or We Think Used Egg Cartons Make Fun Costumes.

Not us. 

We are moving in three weeks, so our aim is to reduce the amount of new stuff coming into the house we are packing up.  Apparently that includes groceries. 

While I was generally following Jeff’s edict that we shouldn’t buy any new crap, I didn’t take it quite as literally as he did.  I made a pretty big mistake at Trader Joe’s the other day.   I bought some peanut butter.  For the kids’ lunches.  Yes, it was organic and sugar-free, but I felt his withering stare when he discovered it, because WE ALREADY HAD PEANUT BUTTER IN THE PANTRY.  I just didn’t see it when I was making the grocery list.

I won’t be making that mistake again.

Because I refuse to go to the grocery store again while I am a resident of our current address.  I am going to show Jeff that I am following our plan.

This morning before work, I dug deep into our freezer and found something to thaw out for dinner.  My kids are going to turn on me tonight when I serve them 2 oz of beef brisket (from a Hanukkah before they were conceived), a freezer burnt Trader Joe’s burrito and for dessert: ice chips!  They will probably try to kill me in my sleep.

But that’s nothing compared to what will go down next week when I turn my attention to the canned goods in that little cabinet with shelves that spin around.  Let’s just say that I went through a significant black bean phase that involved me buying cases of them at Costco this winter.  That’s going to be ugly, especially because I still have a child in diapers.

There will eventually be tuna casserole and whatever recipe I can find that uses 238 ounces of tomato sauce.  I have a few stalks of celery that I will ration among us so we don’t contract scurvy.  For fruit servings we have raisins, strawberry preserves, and popsicles (which are 9% juice).

I’m totally gonna do it, ya’ll.  I’m going to use every single drop of food in my house or die trying.  Which very well may happen when I serve my family a leftover breastmilk smoothie on moving day.


73 thoughts on “No Grocery Shopping Til We Move…In Three Weeks

  1. Just donate the food. You’ll feel better, won’t risk death during the night and it’s a tax write off. Better for the world really. It would just be selfish to try to eat it all.

  2. This the most hilarious thing I have ever heard!!!!! My hubby has a rule that before going on vacation we can’t eat anything in the house so we don’t have any clean dishes in the drying rack… I guess that’s not as bad as all those cans of black beans!! Thanks for the perspective!!

    • Oh the black bean deluge. I hope I’m allowed to get new diapers. Also: my hubs will probably not appreciate my flair for slight exaggeration in this post. I’d buy him an I’m sorry gift, but that’s just clutter.

      On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 at 10:42 AM, Outlaw Mama

  3. We buy black beans and pinto beans by the case at Sam’s. And my kids love them. But about this point in the summer they are DONE with them! Good luck with the move. I’ll be praying a rosary each night for y’all. 😉

    • Please. And also, I think you could start working on your halloween costumes made from dirty coffee filters and old egg crates. You’re crafty like that, right?

      On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 at 10:43 AM, Outlaw Mama

  4. I hear you, my dad is the same way. Good for you trying to work with what you’ve got–I sincerely hope your children don’t kill you. And good luck with the move!!

  5. Your husband sounds like my wife for God’s sake! Jesus, it’s a jar of peanut butter and we can take it to the new house, it’ll be ok!!! Ahhhh! I’m an adult, let me do stuff!!! Lol. You should totally squirt some breast milk into something he eats and just smile at him while he enjoys it.

  6. I fully support this plan of yours. It sounds remarkably similar to what I do in the weeks preceding a vacation…

  7. At least you don’t feed your kids that hydrogenated oil Jif shit. Kudos to you. Black beans straight outta the can, I say. Straight outta the can.

  8. This is so funny! Especially because I usually play the role of Jeff and this sounded like something Ian would do after he bought a second peanut butter and I went crazy 🙂 Reason #2894 why I love you.

  9. You can do it! Can of beans, can of corn, can of Rotel or a jar of salsa…toss with a box of pasta. Eat it hot or cold.
    I toted emergency TJ’s PB half way across the USA and back…just in case.

  10. I like your determination and dedication to the cause (or your willpower to show up Jeff – that I relate to completely!). If you start to weaken, I’ll smuggle in a lasagna for you and your kids, then bring home any evidence. Jeff never has to know.

  11. Well, you could always try and sell your food. No kidding, someone in my neighborhood sent an email to our Mom’s Club trying to get someone to BUY the old hamburger patties out of her freezer b/c she was moving. Pinky swear, I’m not lying.

  12. Seriously, I did the exact same thing before we moved. We already had so much crap that I was determined not to add one single thing to the load, to the point of mania and mild starvation. I think that right before a traumatic life event we turn into really strange versions of ourselves. But it passes. I promise.

  13. How funny – I actually do that at the end of the month. When my son goes to his dads, I eat what’s in the house. You’ll have to let us know how that black bean meal comes out 🙂

  14. Ok, So we close on my house on Friday, and I ran to the store to buy orange juice and spinach tonight because I just couldn’t stand not having them in the house (hangs her head in shame)! But yes, I’ve been doing the back of the freezer thing too! Breast milk smoothies. You’re a riot.

  15. So funny! We call this phenomenon “eating down” in our house, and we do a smaller version of it before we leave for our annual 10-day vacation. But I don’t have pressure to use up the canned goods, thank God. I feel for you!

  16. Oh boy. Your husband is one of THOSE, huh? Sorry about that. But good luck with your project! From a home where serving leftovers is cause for treason, I could never get away with this. Although, I could feed a small family of 12 for an entire year out of my pantry if I tried. Oy. I’m NEVER moving.

  17. Do it! You would not believe what food items moved across the country with me. It was a corporate move, so they packed EVERYTHING. Seriously, my black beans came with me. And other stuff. It wasn’t pretty. But I think you can definitely move a jar of PB across town!

  18. I have a really good black bean dip recipe…loved this post! Getting ready to go away for the weekend, just the weekend,why must I think that milk will spoil in 2 days if we are away, but would’ve been fine if we were here. Plus, I am not packing it to bring (I reserve that lunacy for week long excursions!)

  19. Oh my goodness this is great! Please keep updating us about these meals I NEED to hear about the reaction to breast milk smoothie (which by the way is a perfect last line). Thanks for the read!

  20. I did a similar thing when we were preparing to move. I still had to pack 3 boxes of food. I hope you do better. I’ve also vowed to do only minimal shopping until we eat all the old food in the house because I’m tired of spending money on food we don’t eat. This project isn’t fun either.

  21. As someone who moved last fall here is my advice: THROW EVERYTHING AWAY. We have a “storage room” full of boxes we have never unpacked. Nobody misses anything in them.

  22. Too funny! I am the queen of buying multiples of things because I didn’t see them in the cupboard, and then come home to find 6 more of the same item! Drives my poor hubby crazy 🙂

  23. Ha! Sounds like us during hurricane Sandy. We ate every dang thing in the freezer and made a significant dent in the pantry. All the while we told ourselves we were Pioneers. All while cringing and choking down that gawdawful food. Let’s see…tomato sauce…a vatt of gazpacho perhaps? lol

  24. Here’s a fun trick for the pre-move purge: stand your child at the sink on a stool. give the child all the random-ass bottles of goo and gunk and godknowswhat in the fridge. say to child: hey, dump this all in the sink (or pot or bucket) and let’s see what happens! Upside: your fridge is cleaned out, child is content for easily an hour (or less, I guess, if your fridge doesn’t look like mine did). Downside? truly gross disgusting stinky horror emerges from fridge and you vow immediately to go on a liquid diet that involves … water only and no sauces ever again, ever.

  25. Pingback: The cupboard was bare | that cynking feeling

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