These People Hate Me And They Don’t Even Know Me

Now that I am a wizened, self-aware 40-year old, it’s like a veil has been lifted from my eyes.  I understand how the world works in ways I never knew before.  The gift of this new self-awareness is that I now know that there are people who hate me, even though they don’t even know me.

Image credit: humanisthappiness.blogspot.com

Image credit: humanisthappiness.blogspot.com

I know what you’re thinking: Who?  Who could hate little ole me? I’m just tooling through life compulsively blogging, paying my therapist gobs of money to cure my character defects, and trying to raise citizens of the world with a minimum intrusion from Disney princesses and hypermasculinized violent weapon-y toys.

But, I’ve seen it on their faces and felt their hot breath as they sigh in my direction.  They hate me.  They do. 

These people:

  • Anyone standing behind me in a check out line.  I’ve suddenly become the lady who has to give exact change.  Maybe it’s because I am back on the budget wagon and I’m trying to use cash, but I am sensing that harried customers of the local drug store aren’t enjoying the extra 7 minutes it takes for me to find that penny that I just know is at the bottom of my purse. 
  • Anyone who leaves me a voicemail.  Some people ignore their Twitter accounts, or their husbands or the plants on their windowsills. Me? I ignore that big fat icon on my iPhone that tells me about my voice mails.  I won’t look at it so I sure as hell ain’t gonna listen to them.   Now, I’m pretty sure that those people who ask, Didn’t you get my voice mail?  hate me.  Like that telemarketer who’s been leaving me messages since April.
  • People helping me set up an appointment.  This list of receptionists, admins, and assistants is long.   It’s my habit to call to make an appointment– my son’s doctor, my daughter’s haircut, my own pap smear– but I never have my calendar with me.  So, they offer “Thursday at 4:00?” and I inevitably say, “Well, I don’t have my calendar with me.  I may have something else that day.  Not sure I have child care. What else do you have?”  Then, they offer, “We could do Friday at noon?” To which I say, “Friday? Usually Fridays are bad, but I think my therapist is going on an 8-week cruise starting that Friday. Or maybe the next Friday. What else?”  They hate me.  Who could blame them?
  • The help desk at work.  I’m certain they see me calling and scurry from their phones like mice when the lights turn on.  And I call often.  The poor people on the other end of the phone have to deal with a frantic me who can’t figure out Word Perfect (a requirement for my position), and has a hard time describing the problem.  How could a computer professional not have some ill will towards the weekly call from me that goes like this: “I clicked on that thingy and then those lines disappeared but those boxy things are still at the bottom and I can’t make them go away.” They start talking to me about macros and “reveal codes” and I burst into tears talking about how Ms. Potter in fourth grade nearly gave me a B in computer because I “had a bad attitude toward technology.” (Ms. Potter hates me too.)
  • Commuters trying to get home.  My bright idea for getting exercise is to run home from my office.  Brillz, right? The only problem is that I leave my office around 5:15, having stretched and queued up my playlist. I am ready to run.  But it’s rush hour and throngs of people are busy walking to the train.  I do my best to bob and weave through the crowds, but sometimes I get confined in a mass of people.  So there I am doing that thing where I’m practically running in place and breathing heavily because I just sprinted a half a block– I am looking for my opening in the crowd.  I am getting too close. I am breathing too hard.  I accidentally step on the heels of a banker-looking guy who isn’t too thrilled to see my happy ass treating the sidewalk like my personal treadmill.  His look says it all: He hates me.

Don’t be fooled by the brevity of this list.  There are others.  The lady who has to stand behind me at the salad bar while I pick out the broccoli from the vegetable medley dish.  The postal worker who has to explain to me where the mailboxes are inside the POST OFFICE.  The Gap clerk who has to explain to me that my coupon expired two years ago. 

So who hates you?  Anyone I know?

Advertisements

33 thoughts on “These People Hate Me And They Don’t Even Know Me

  1. I was thinking earlier that you and I are quite alike . . . and then you go and write this. I have an extreme over-confidence problem: I’m pretty sure everyone in the world adores me. Blogging may knock me down a hundred notches or so!

    • Hey, it’s flip sides of the same coin. YOu got the shiny side; I got that dark and moldy side. It suits me, as adoration suits you.

      On Wed, Aug 14, 2013 at 10:38 AM, Outlaw Mama

  2. I just want to say that I’ve seen you interact with quite a few people on this list and I can assure you that you are pleasant and adorable and never hated. Of course, the real important takeaway from this post is that people who LEAVE voicemails deserve to be hated (not the other way around). Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. Can’t we all just agree to not leave voicemails? There are so many other options.

  3. Oh, everybody hates me, but I don’t care.

    What’s more important is that I hate all the people who hate you. How dare they? How dare they leave voicemail (what is this…1995?) How dare they not stay to the right on their walk? How dare they use word perfect (what is this…1995? Again?)

    How dare they hate you? You’re perfect!

  4. When I was seven, I was paying for my mother’s christmas present (an ironing board cover) with pennies. Some of the people behind me were sighing and complaining until the man right behind me turned around and said “Pennies are money too.”

    • This is the most adorable visual I could ever imagine. I hope Sadie and Simon buy me — or Jeff– an ironing board cover with their pennies. So enraptured with little you.

      On Wed, Aug 14, 2013 at 11:16 AM, Outlaw Mama

  5. I read this post having just come back from my firm’s cafeteria where I stood at the hot food station picking out the cauliflower from the “summer vegetable medley” while other lawyers impatiently waited to get lunch so that they could get back to whatever conference call they left behind, so this is obviously pretty timely. Other people who hate me include the ladies where I get my manicure every Sunday after my long run, the people at the bagel store when I insist on using a credit card because I’m too lazy to run across the street to the bank for cash, and the grocery store employees who supervise the self-checkout lanes because I can’t ever figure out how to scan my bakery items and produce.

  6. 1. I’m using an EBT card, yo, or Dad’s paying our groceries so my kids can eat.
    2. Twitter makes my skin crawl after a while. Voicemail is my regular go-to, sadly. I would gladly text if it didn’t involve calling plans or pay-as-you-go. Or mostly mobile devices. I can’t afford an iPhone, period.
    3. The missus rocks a PDA and will often have it on hand for me when I make appointments- I am thankful office managers and receptionists are patient with me.
    4. I am a technical person. I swear, I try. I try to be helpful. Little different when support requests are from friends and family who do not directly pay me in money.
    5. I am on disability, so, no commute. But people drive like jerks around here. They seem mostly to be from northeastern Oregon.
    6. I am 39, just for the record.

    It is unlikely I’ll leave you a voicemail, but I won’t if I need to. I will try not to dissolve into technical babble if I help you with your tech (I am 100% serious). Also, I assure you I’m empathetic, even if my experience is on the other side of the coin.

  7. I’m impressed that you call the tech support people at work! I hate dealing with tech support and would rather ignore technology and hope it fixes itself. I’ll let you know how that works outs. I jogged home today and bobbed and weaved through those same damn people (a few streets over). I hate people walking on sidewalks when I’m trying to run. Whether or not they hate me never crossed my mind. I’m narcisscistic like that. Remind me not to sit next to you tomorrow morning. With all these enemies, you never know … xo

  8. People must hate me then too for sure! I LOVE giving exact change, and voice mail? I’m more likely to give up pizza for the rest of my life than listen to my voice mail. If I see you called, I will call you back but I will never ever listen to that recording you left me. Ever.

  9. I’m laughing at the exact change thing because I have seen first hand eye rolling over that same act 😉
    In “real life” you either love me or hate me. I would like to say the baristas hate my very specific drink and people that have a sense of humor usually enjoy me…unless of course I’m telling jokes about them 😉

  10. Oh the appointment schedulers despise me. What about Thursday at 4? Anything earlier? 7? Not THAT early! Or, anyone expecting anything at a specific time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s