Jeff says I’m not allowed to do any spinning with the kids anymore. And he’s not referring to indoor cycling. What he’s put the kibosh on is me actually having any part in the children moving in a circular motion. I may be on probation with swinging them back and forth as well.
And I see his point.
Sunday night we visited a park with some friends. Each of the six children gathered took turns sitting in that salad spinner thingy that’s at the park. Have you seen this? It’s like a bowl that turns around maniacally, and it’s got some design feature that can harness centrifugal force that allows a single rider to spin infinitely or until an adult helps them out.
We didn’t have these spinners when I was a youth. We had dirt, rocks and pin worms.
So, what do I know about spinning children in a centrifuge?
It was all laughs and shouts of more! my turn! faster! when the other parents were playing Wheel of Fortune with the kids. Then I took a turn. Sadie was going around and around, but suddenly I gave her an extra heave-ho, and she somehow spun out and landed with a thud on the wood chips. Her landing position was a face-down, spread eagle, belly flop. And it was my fault.
I was so shocked that’s she’d spun out of the bowl that it took me a second to grab her to be sure she was ok. I made it in time to see her pluck two wooden splinters off her tongue.
“MOMMY, you pushed me too hard and made me fall.”
I couldn’t really argue with that.
In bed that night, Jeff trod gently on the topic of how I almost mutilated our child’s entire front side. In the darkness, he was embolden to mention the following: “Weren’t you spinning the kids in a chair the other night when the chair toppled over on Sadie?”
Yes, that had happened. I walked into the office where Jeff was overseeing some good old-fashioned “fun with the office chair.” I wanted in, so when Jeff stepped away the kids agreed to let me spin them. “Wheeeee! Look at us . . . <crash!<crash!>>
“MOMMY, you didn’t do it right and now my side head hurts real bad.”
Again, I don’t deny my children’s reality (but I really want to correct their language usage even when they are hysterical) so I just nodded in agreement and offered to hold Sadie while she sobbed. She declined, citing fear of suffering further bodily harm.
Do two spinning incidents make a pattern? Is the prohibition on my spinning the children warranted based on the facts? I’m not certain, but Sadie sure is enjoying retelling the story of all the times her Mommy fucked up when spinning her around. It was awesome to go to the back to school night and learn from her teachers that she’s already told them the story. Twice.