Of all the things I’ve admitted on this blog, I’m the most embarrassed about today’s true confession: I organized my whole week around the opening of a new grocery store.
Did you read that? Let me say this another way. On Sunday, I surveyed my entire week’s plans and obligations and moved them around like chess pieces so that I could attend the Grand Opening of a new grocery store two blocks from my house. What the hell is next? Collecting coins or knitting my own fanny packs?
I was sort of obsessed with this whole “event.” When my eyes popped open yesterday morning, my first thought was about the route we’d take from school to the store. I reminded the kids about 10 times where we were going after I picked them up. We know. You already told us.
And gushing about the opening is only going to make me sound lamer, but I’ma do it anyway. Check this out: we hadn’t been in the store five minutes before we were offered samples of Naked juice, caramel popcorn, and pumpkin muffins. By the time I reached the first aisle, I’d easily consumed 2,500 calories, picking up little bites of this and that from uniformed staff who acted more like I was a guest at a wedding reception than a patron of a local grocery store. My kids helped themselves to chicken sausage, roasted tomatoes, and mini pork tacos. When Simon dropped his pork filling on the floor, I let him pick it up and eat it because BRAND NEW GROCERY STORE FLOOR.
Not to speak ill of Costco, but this opening blew their shit outta the water.
My kids were freaked out that there was an actual, populated bee hive in the store next to the honey display. The saxophone player accompanying the pianist was maybe a little over the top, but I wont’ lie– I hummed along to Careless Whisper.
It was my first grand opening of a grocery store, and I honestly hope it was my last. I mean, shouldn’t I have more going on in my life than this? Free muffin samples and live musak were the pinnacle of my week? Really?
When the buzz of free food and the complimentary reusable tote wore off, I couldn’t help but think this: Maybe it’s time I get a full-time job.