Making Lemonade From Mother Nature’s Frozen Lemons



Like everyone being battered by the nasty winter weather, I see Mother Nature handing me lemons.  Actually, she’s not handing them to me; she’s pulling them out of an old-fashioned ice box somewhere in the Arctic tundra and chucking them at my exposed head. 

But guess what, Mother Nature, I love frozen lemonade, and I know how to make it from your stupid lemon grenades.

You’ve underestimated me. You’re so giddy from the thrill of torturing millions of people and stranding a bazillion travelers, that’s you’ve forgotten the deep reservoir of resilience that resides beneath my puffy down coat and the subsequent four additional layers of fleece.

To you, I proclaim, “I love this weather.  Bring it on! You and your frozen lemons don’t scare me.”  What’s the worse that could happen? I die of complications from a lemon concussion? 

Oh, I don’t think so.

Are you, gentle readers, not feeling the love? Are you fixated on the annoying salt dust that’s all over your new boots and your old coat? Are your wood floors ruined because pipes burst and your kids can’t figure out how to take off their boots in the “mudroom” you fashioned (from mud and an old beach towel) at the edge of your garage?

I was too, honestly, until this: I realized that this weather is the greatest agent of social change in my adult life to date. 

Check it out: I now have something to say to absolutely everyone in the universe. Cliche to discuss weather? Probably.  I don’t care.  I’ve got a golden ticket into conversation.  This morning I discussed how long I waited at the bus with the most un-chatty person in my office.  Oh, she chatted back today, alright.  She had to outdo me with her wait time, of course.  So she won, but who cares? We chatted.

To the gruff old security guard in my building, I offered this opening salvo, “Can you believe this cold?”

How could he resist me?

My boss and I discussed how many layers it takes to survive public transportation.  My mother and I have texted about the barbarism that is winter 2014.  So what if I am complaining and asking my Mommy to come to Chicago and rub my feet? It’s still communication and there’s plenty more where that came from.

Jeff’s out of town this week, which means that before we collapse in our respective cities at night, we have the obligatory spousal phone conversation.  During the summer, we are so beat down by our days we can’t think of anything noteworthy to say.  Not last night.  He had a snow story; I had a snow and a windchill story.  Then he trumped me rhetorically when he described how he slipped on the ice.  Plus, he got to regale me with stories about how some cities (*cough* DC *cough*) cannot handle snow.  We must have talked through meteorological issues for a good seven-minutes. 

That, people, is what you call keeping the sizzle in your marriage.

So, thank you Mother Nature for giving me sound bites (and frost bite, you Bitch) for every situation in the foreseeable future.  You and your lemons don’t scare me.  Keep it coming– I’ve got a dinner party in a few weeks, and I’ll need some small talk material.


19 thoughts on “Making Lemonade From Mother Nature’s Frozen Lemons

  1. Here’s my glass of frozen lemonade:
    I stopped to fuel up yesterday morning and the credit card reader didn’t work at the pump. I went inside to see if I needed to prepay saying, “I think it’s too cold out.” There was a patron loitering at the counter eating pastry who quipped, “Are you sure?” The clerk told me to go ahead and fill up and then come back into pay. When I went back in, the pastry-eater said, “We were all ready with your description for the cops if you had drove off without paying. ‘Yes, officer. It was a lady who was all bundled up.'”
    Maybe you had to be there, but that just made me laugh. Wouldn’t have happened if it was warm.

  2. i feel like a freak but i LOVE the cold and snow and snow and cold. the wind can stay away but i love it. of course, i don’t take public transportation so i’m CERTAIN i’d be singing a different tune.

  3. Ah, the nightly spousal phone call. My hubs was due to leave for Minnesota last night, so just imagine how giddy I was to hear of all the snow out there and how, undoubtedly, they know how to handle it and it’s no big deal, as opposed to our little 6 inches and negative 5 windchill shutting down the entire state! How sad was I that he returned from the airport a mere 2 hours later with a report of “maintenance” on the plane and a teleconference as the backup plan for today. That was the last time we spoke last night. This weather is GREAT for sizzle, is what I’m saying!

  4. Earlier this month we went to a family funeral in Manitoba. When we drove out to the rural cemetery for interment, it was minus 28 (Celsius – which is about minus 24 Fahrenheit, I think) plus had a wind from the north. Thankfully the graveside service was short.

  5. My first thought when I read “frozen lemonade” was ALCOHOL.

    Bad weather is great for people like me who suck at small talk. Snow and negative wind chills never leave me without something to say! 😉

  6. The ironic thing is that we’ve had much fewer cold winters than we have in decades past. I trust those that are telling me this. We haven’t. Climate change IS a reality.

  7. Yikes, I just can’t with the frozen and bursting pipes. I’m totally paranoid about it, given our history with plumbing in our house. That being said, I love a good frozen lemonade, especially if it’s spiked with pineapple run. Seriously, that drink will send you straight to the islands in your head, with breezes wafting and Jimmy Buffet tunes playing.

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