Two Kids. Two Different Spring Breaks.

The best part of spring break so far: This.  Fucking this.

The best part of spring break so far: This. Fucking this. And for the record, this is not Switzerland or Park City.  It’s the park by my house in Chicago.  It was our spring break destination.


Let’s play a game.

Okay.  Sit up.  Put on your thinking cap, your listening ears and your big girl pants.  Think long and hard before you answer this question because valuable prizes await you.  Deep breaths.  Do a few push ups to really get your blood flowing.  Beat your chest.  Brush your hair.  Toss back a breath mint.



Question: What is the best part of having two kids with two different spring breaks?

If you guessed abso-fucking-lutely nothing, then you win.  Pat yourself on the back and tune in to QVC right now– whatever they are selling, buy it.  You deserve it.  Give them my credit card number.  My password is FckSprgBrk

Because spring break, can so suck it.  And I’m not even mad at the weather, though I have every stinking right to be.

Here’s how spring break is going down in my house.  Sadie went first.  Of course her spring break was really a winter break since it snowed every other day, but I digress.  (What the world needs now is a few more bloggers complaining about the weather.  Amiright?)  Anyway, each morning I had to drag her out of bed and explain that no, she wasn’t going to school, but Simon was and she had to get in the car with us.  Then, both of them would burst into spasms of devastation: Sadie because she wasn’t going to school; Simon because he was.

It made our normal, both-kids-going-school routine seem like a morning at my favorite spa, the one where Enya plays nonstop and some hot Cuban guy hands me fresh strawberries and cucumber water.

Oh the keening of my children for the other’s experience.

To survive the break, I planned wonderful activities for me and Sadie to do while Simon was in school.  As I explained those to Sadie, Simon choked on his own grief.

It was terrible.  All of it.

The good news is that we can relieve all of those special moments in two weeks when Simon’s spring break starts.  Extra bonus for all: Simon’s spring break lasts for two weeks.  Whatkindofschoolbreaksfortwoweeks?  When I think of ten more days of the uninterrupted strife I will endure as I try to parent two people who seem more like soap opera stars than little children, my mind goes blank.  Like that blue screen that shows up when your computer is trying to tell you to go fuck yourself  in its mute, computer-y way.

There must be a way to do this better.  But I can’t think of it.  All I can do is see that blank screen in my mind and feel my body shaking with dread so strong I think I might give myself shingles.

Someone please help me.



23 thoughts on “Two Kids. Two Different Spring Breaks.

  1. Oh that’s a living hell!!! The worst thing about the routine is realizing how bloody fantastic it actually is. 2-wk break…I thought they only did that on the north shore…one week in the mountains one on the beach. If it makes you feel better we had 4 rainy cold days in NYC…so much for my urban fantasy.

    • It’s hard to say what’s worse. The three weeks of vacation or the fact that most people went on FABOOSH trips across the world while we saw Frozen at the dollar movie. I’m not complaining (yes I am), but three weeks is a little much.

  2. Yes, I endured 17 days (I just happen to remember the exact number of days) last year b/c the breaks are way long in the UK and EVERYONE leaves you! We had plans and D pulled them at the last week before break so I was stuck there in the cold, rainy english countryside. That is when Jeffrey became obsessed with video games…age 6. I was devastated and will forever blame it on that spring break. We go all week without any screentime and come Friday they binge their 2 hours per day as fast as possible!

    I CANNOT wait until you start elementary school. Are you doing public or private or relgious
    –gotta know so I know what to look forward to in future blogs.

    • SEVENTEEN DAYS? unholy. I would never last in the UK. I know when Simon’s break hits we are going to have all kinds of screen time agony. More mine than his. Standards slide in times of crisis. So far the kids are set for non religious and private. There’s so much to say about all of that.

  3. I just narrowly escaped this when C got in to L’s school two days ago — and I had never once considered what danger I was in! I seriously think you deserve a medal for getting through this. Is it done yet?

  4. Pingback: Feature Friday: Outlaw Mama | Stuphblog

  5. Last night I was clapping with glee at the start of spring break. 18 days of no school weans, no prep. Just me and my crew. Lazing about. Maybe catch up on a bit of much needed housework. Maybe. This morning my bathroom ceiling fell in. But the daffodils are out. And all my crew share the same spring break so I’m still smiling. Just. Sod’s law can suck it. I’m on holiday. Might pick a few daffs and stick them in the loo. 🙂 x

  6. Cimmy declared unplugged the week my kids were out on spring break (the same week, thankfully), so work could get done. (Ironically, that’s how spring break got started– to give the farm kids time to jump on the seasonal chores.)

    I think she and the kids hated it– but they dealt with it. I wasn’t sure if I could do it but actually, I loved the peace and quiet.

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