Ya’ll, I can’t think straight right now. My brain is so addled with guilt that it feels like I have cotton balls where my gray matter should be. Instead of having a thinker that can hum with solutions and solve complex problems, all mine is good for is removing nail polish.
I’m distracted because I keep thinking I should run over to Target and buy my kids proper Easter baskets filled with chocolate and jelly bellies. It’s probably half price by now, and it’s only just a few blocks away.
The thing is all I did for Easter was have my kids dye hard-boiled eggs and find them in the morning. There were no baskets, no bunnies, no sugar, no plastic, no damn bonnets. Nothing that I recognized from my own childhood Easters. I’d stopped by Target twice last week to get the stuff, and both times I walked out with nothing. I just couldn’t muster any enthusiasm for spending money on crap they’ll either (1) fight over, (2) devour and then feel sick, or (3) complain that it wasn’t enough.
And when you are the parent who was raised Christian in the family, Easter falls on your shoulders. I can’t expect Jeff to cook an entire Passover Seder meal and then go out and wander among the Easter aisles one week later.
I couldn’t find the spirit or the fun in it. And on the consumer-minimalist I most certainly fall on the consumerist side, which is why I am fighting the urge to remedy my super lame Easter performance by trolling the discount aisles and begging for a do-over tonight. I spent half the morning thinking that I did a good thing by not contributing to the parade of shitty sugar stuff offered to my children as a substitute for meaningful celebration. The other half I spent chiding myself for being such a buzz kill for demonizing fun stuff like chocolate and edible farm animals.
So, which is it? Did I do a good thing or a lazy thing? And most important: Should I spend my lunch hour at Target?