About Outlaw Mama

If David Sedaris was a straight, married, mother-of-two with a near-lethal obsession with Costco and a deeply ambivalent relationship to his law degree, he’d be Outlaw Mama.  But since I’m the one with the vagina, the JD, and the discount retailer card, I get to play the part of Outlaw Mama and give lots of advice on how not to do almost everything.  All David Sedaris gets to do is write bestselling successful books, live abroad, and be the darling of National Public Radio.  But ask yourself this: Do you really think he’s happy without a Costco card?

Let’s talk more about me. Here are some key facts:

Law degree: obtained;

Law practice: for now;

Facials: never;

Massages: never enough;

Spinning: heart;

Yoga: want to heart but mostly hate how it makes me feel brittle and old;

Running: heart, but hurts my IT band;

Manicures: heart, but always feel shame for being so vain/trivial/shallow;

TV: Love/hate relationship;

Breastfeeding: Love it mostly, but hate the pressure and the politics around it;

Facebook: Love;

Twitter: Fear;

Blogging: Joy;

Real Housewives: No thank you;

Mad Men: Yes, please;

Politics: Very upsetting;

Politicians: Prefer the Real Housewives;

Designer jeans: if sold at Costco;

Mini-van: Proudly;

Alcohol: Not anymore;

Chocolate: Love/Hate;

Peppermints: Always love;

Gum: My most satisfying vice;

Cleaning: Not so much;

Decluttering: Spiritual experience;

Religion: Not opposed but haven’t found my place;

Spirituality: Craving more everyday;

12-stepping: Keep coming back, baby!

Food Network: Yes;

HGTV: Yes, but less than Food Network;

Books: An early and enduring love;

Cooking: Working on it;

Technology: Love/hate;

Tapas: Mostly love;

Shopping: Yes please;

Texas: old home;

Chicago: roots growing deep


68 thoughts on “About Outlaw Mama

  1. Great page! … so glad I found your blog. I am a former history professor turned stay at home mom. I just started blogging and I am really enjoying it. Blog on!

  2. Pingback: Taking Time for Intimacy | Just.Be.Enough.

  3. “My therapist, who is NOT Sigmund Freud.” Haha. HI-LA-RIOUS! I remember having to study his stages of psychosexual development. The horror!

  4. Hey, read some of your posts after seeing it on Freshly Pressed (congrats by the way.) I lived in Chicago until just recently so it was great to see someone from there. Spent 20 years just west of Wrigley and another 10 in Lincoln Park.

  5. Hello there!
    I noticed in your post that you were talking about the marathon in Chicago…
    Boomie Bol and I are both blogger friends of Patty (discover & devour) and are very worried. She lives in the Chicago area and has a husband named Andy. The last post or comment was 7/30 and nothing since. This is not like her and we are concerned.

    I guess thought I would take a long shot that you might know her personally. If you know her, please email mytwicebakedpotato@yahoo.com
    Thank you!

  6. hey there, i just wanted to drop you a note. this week’s blogger idol assignment is to write about 4 blogs you love and sell them. i was including yours and wondered if you wouldn’t mind if i used an image from your site?? Let me know. And congrats on YW. 🙂

  7. for some reason you got lost from my list of blogs I follow, but I missed your posts, and now I’ve got some catching up to do. thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. knowing someone’s reading keeps me writing. being a writer, i’m sure you’re inspired by your readers too.

  8. You won me. Now, what the hell are you going to do? I will be all over this blog like the Vaseline that currently resides all over my swollen, chapped-ass hands. There WAS a compliment in there somewhere, did ya see it?

    I am so happy I found this blog and thanks for the follow!

  9. I haven’t followed your blog for long, but I love reading it. I hope those that follow my blog will give yours a visit. I included you in my Best Moment Award, but if you don’t accept awards, that’s okay. If you do, the info is on my page. Keep up the super work!

      • Well, I am a unique case in that aside from being a lawyer, I’m also a commissioned police officer so I get to carry a gun and say stuff like “freeze! and stop in the name of the law! and hey, don’t I get a police discount on these donuts and coffee?”

        So to answer your question, the police department where I work currently has me working as assistant general counsel in the way overworked legal division. I guess they figured it’d be ok to have me do it so they can pay me a police officer’s salary instead of having to hire a real attorney at a higher cost. In return, I currently worry less about being shot at, spit on or accused of being a racist honkey which is pretty nice.

      • OMg, where do I begin? THis is sort of beyond awesome. How can I become a police office? (I can’t do a push up.)

        On Tue, Jul 30, 2013 at 11:32 AM, Outlaw Mama

      • They used to let the ladies do “girl” push ups on their knees if that helps. How fucked up is that? Crap, can I say fuck on your blog? I’m sorry, if not. I say fuck waaaay too much but I’m working on it.

  10. Pingback: I Suck at Not Being Awesome | Imperfectly Perfect

  11. Pingback: JJQ from another blog: What’s your motto? | VOX Journal Jar In Exile

  12. There are a few helpful points with time on this page yet Really dont know if I view every one of them centre to cardiovascular system. There exists some validity but Allow me to carry hold judgment until I actually take a look at that additionally. Fine written content, kudos and wish much more! Added onto FeedBurner as well

  13. Pingback: Feature Friday: Outlaw Mama | Stuphblog

  14. I think I love you. I was just decluttering and feeling pretty much in love with God every time I have the epiphany: I don’t NEED ALL THIS SHIT. (Read: procrastinating, still procrastinating.)

    I’m not funny, but I do blog about spirituality and motherhood and writing and all that sweet stuff. Discovered Yeah Write today, and then your blog.

  15. Hi my name is Starlet and I am the owner of the copyrighted photograph you are using of the Grandfather and grandson on the tractor. Since it still has watermarks on it you have not paid for its use. You need to either buy it or remove it from your website.
    Thank you

  16. Hi ! My name is Rachele from CozyPhones . We’re looking for online influencers to review our product/s. I’ve been looking at your blog and I think you’d be a perfect fit!

    Our product is CozyPhones. They are soft, fleece headband headphones for kids made in fun animal a character designs.

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    If this sounds like something you would like to go forward with, please reply to this email and be sure to include your mailing address so we can ship your product right away.

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